Smack my pitch up


Congratulations go to Paul Ashcroft after he was awarded the Premier League Groundsman of the Year award for 2012.

The ‘Sports Turf Research Institute’ announced their findings after looking at all the professional playing surfaces in England, and said that Premier League pitches were “all to a very high standard.”

Clearly they didn’t visit the Stadium of Light in February when the pitch there looked like no-man’s land after a week of intensive shelling which was then ripped to pieces by Godzilla tromping about the field in pointy stilettos and immediately followed by the Horse of the Year show except instead of horses they were genetically modified be-hooved elephants.

Arsenal have a long tradition of exceptional playing surfaces, so much so that Real Madrid no less poached former Groundsman Paul Burgess in 2009.

It is believed that this summer Barcelona will pursue Ashcroft by proving he’s got Catalan DNA after a week long holiday in Arenys de Mar when he was seven years of age.

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