EXCLUSIVE: New Arsenal fine list revealed

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There’s a photograph doing the rounds (see above), taken at Arsenal’s London Colney training HQ originally posted by @bootifulgame on Twitter, showing an A4 sign that outlines how Arsene Wenger clamps down on ill-discipline in the Gunners camp.

From turning up late to wearing the wrong kit, there’s a fine for pretty much everything. It isn’t though the only list which exists, as Arseblog News can exclusively reveal…

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2012-2013 AFC Player Fines (updated)

  • Smoking shisha in a nightclub (and getting caught on camera) – £2,000 + six months watching Sam Allardyce get undressed at West Ham
  • Hugging an opponent after a defeat – £1,000 + room with Sebastien Squillaci for 3 months
  • Not wearing Dr Dre headphones when stepping off team bus – £250
  • Not having a new tattoo on the forearm/elbow area in the last month – £1,000
  • Saying the word DENCH / Wearing any clothing that says DENCH – £500
  • Repeatedly retweeting busty 18-year-old blondes at the expense of sad 30-something men claiming it’s their birthday  – £500
  • Driving at 175mph to training – 2 weeks wages + publicly swap shirts with RVP
  • Revealing the secret to Mikel Arteta’s perfect hair – £4,000 + a month teaching Craig Eastmond grammar
  • Trying to sell own-brand jewellery before training – £500 + kick in the groin + spell on the bench with Juventus
  • Sitting in Lukasz Fabianski’s treatment room rocking chair – £250
  • Knocking over autograph hunters outside the Tollington – £150
  • Losing all semblance of form – Arsenal Player interview duty for six months
  • Taunting Vito Mannone with a generic Italian gangster voice – Punch in the liver from Boro Primorac
  • Using Olivier Giroud’s vanity mirror without permission- £500
  • Hitting five consecutive free-kicks into opposition wall – £500
  • Messing with the zip on the boss’ favourite jacket – Transfer listed
  • Hiding Vic Akers’ shorts – That’s a paddlin’
  • Failing to high-five or hug Gunnersaurus when opportunity arises – cone duty for a month
  • Doing a ‘Compare the Meerkat’ voice when Arshavin waddles in – £250 (Updated- no fine, he likes it…crazy bastard)
  • Not using at least three hideous clichés in post-match Sky interviews – £1,000 + letter of apology to Geoff Shreeves
  • Using ‘da ting’ (e.g) ‘pass da ting’ when asking a teammate to give you the ball – £1,000
  • Failing to get a corner past the near post – £250 + three minutes in a booth with Frimpong’s screeching rapper mate
  • Rugby tackling opponent in the box – £1,000 + 1 game ban + must clean hair from shower plug-holes for 1 week. No, that’s not shampoo
  • Tackling Diaby in training – £5,000
  • Mistaking Neil Banfield for the postman – £350
  • Asking for a happy ending in the massage room – £2,500
  • Revealing the truth about Ju-Young Park – washing the boss’ car for the rest of the season.

All fines will be posted on the information screen in the First Team Dressing Room at the end of the month. All fines to be paid in cash to the Big Effing German within 7 days of being posted.

If not paid within 7 days – all fines will be doubled.

By order of and signed by Le Prof.  

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119 Comments on "EXCLUSIVE: New Arsenal fine list revealed"

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Seb

Not in the mood. Post trivia like this when we start winning again.

Ben

But Seb, I’m not in the mood for your shitty mood.

Fuck off and come back again when you’ve grown a sense of humour.

Joe

Awww someone’s in a grumpy mood…. £5,000 fine!

THEREISBEARCUM

FOOTBALL IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. NOT BASICALLY ENTERTAINMENT.

Gunner From Another Mother
Gunner From Another Mother

On the contrary. I needed to read something funny like this after yesterdays…game.

“All fines to be paid in cash to Per Mertesacker” – Am I the only one who finds this fucking hilarious?

And credit to you for “Not wearing Dr. Dre headphones when stepping off team bus” hilarious as well

goontang

I think there should be no headphones allowed at all, and tomas rosicky controls the team bus music. Maybe the boys would be fired up in the first half if they are listening to abit of Ramstein instead of Tracey Chapman.

R18

But how will rosicky control the bus music when he never even in the friggin bus. Either he’s out injured or at the studios recording music (does he do this?, he seems the type)

Okay, I miss him. The footballer not the rockstar.

goontang

I believe one of the fines is “not showing up for games even if your not on the teamsheet”.

Problem solved. DJ Rosicky.

lovelyboi

Using Olivier Giroud’s vanity mirror without permission- £500

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……..! *blushing

@sebinho9

You give people like me a bad name. This is exactly the sort of levity we needed!

Disparate Dan

Trivia! This is Pulitzer Prize stuff.

MrKiuch

hahaha

AK

what did this guy do wrong to get 5 thumbs down? you can laugh even?

AK

cant*

arseblog
Admin

I think it was the extra ‘ha’

Haha is fine but hahaha sounds like you might be laughing sarcastically.

kevs

wtf?!

a rich wooly owl

hahahaha

what about an extra ha? returns it to an even number

Mooro

‘Failing to turn up to a match until the 46th fuckin minute, yet again – a hearty kick in the fuckin bollocks you useless bunch of cunts’.

Sorry. Bit tired today.

North Bank Gooner

do you know, i always seem to be tired the day after a game.

maybe its all those trips backwards and forwards to the recycling bin, need a Guiness anaesthetic to watch 1st halves at the moment!

😉

Nickgooner84

Seriously? Go post on She Wore a Yellow Ribbon if you want to moan about how shit we are. That’s all you seem to get over there.

Nickgooner84

This was supposed to be in response to Seb, I enjoyed this post!

Alf

I got banned from posting on that site. Not totally sure why but I think I was too optimistic about our abilities !

Nickgooner84

haha that sounds about right. I stupidly had a glance at the comments on a post about the loss yesterday, honest to god there was supporters saying the might as well go start supporting Spurs!

I mean things are not great at the moment, but that is the kind of level of supporters they have there.

George

Not strengthening the squad in january – failure to qualify in for the champions league, loss of revenue, futher decline…

diaby

Its a shame the top fines arent…

1) Playing like a spineless wanker in a big game. £500,000
2) Playing like an uninterested fuck face in a small game. £500,000
Fines to be added to the transfer kitty*

*assuming there is such a thing?!

deano

Silent stan would love that idea.

Matt Senior

Arshavin would be out on the streets of st petersburg slinging meth if those fines existed

Lec

“Asking for a happy ending in the massage room”

Hahahaha I’d risk my £2500 out of my weekly £50k just asking for this. Who knows I might get lucky.

master floda

kieran hunt is a good looking guy indeed. though i’d rather get that kind of massage from chelsea’s eva carneiro 😉

xxxrob

She’s a fuckin babe I always sit up and pay attention when there’s a cut away to their bench. Haha

R18

I don’t like seeing her next to terry on the bench though.

“Step away from that lady you cunt” I wish it were that easy, maybe terry needs to start matches more often then. Problem solved.

Joe

Now that’s definitely a paddling! Who knows, you may enjoy it!

Matt

HAHA all cash to Mertesacker… Too slow to make away with the money….

Gearoid Kelly

Ha. “Merkel-sacker”. So that’s how Germany are able to bail out us Irish.

TomJ

Nope. That would be because its a loan and is being paid back with interest

Gearoid Kelly

I think you missed the joke in there. I’m aware that Per Mertesacker isn’t directly channeling Arsenal’s player fines into the Irish government’s coffers

garyfootscrayaustralia
garyfootscrayaustralia

The English are a bit uptight though, Gearoid. Look how upset they got when they started losing their invasion fiefdoms…sorry, i meant “colonies”

Kai

Fines in the hundreds or even a couple of thousand are a bit pointless when a player earns £100k a week.

Pete_90

100 quid for reading the paper in the dressing room?!?!?! Steep!

Joe

Especially if they just want to know what shenanigans Snoopy and the gang got up to.

welile

Poor vodka sweating Arshavin

big black clock

Idk why I find it so funny that Mertesacker is the Fine collecter

george

blatantly Per just put that up there himself to make some extra dollah.

Reality check

It’s because he is German.

Tottenhams reckoning

Per being the collector made my friggin’ week

RobM

I can’t imagine anyone telling him “Fuck off, I’m not paying” twice.

THEREISBEARCUM

I liked this interpretation:comment image?1

jsergio

this is sensational.

Tenzo

You have no idea how much I love you for sharing this…

Cyril Washbrook

I’m fairly certain that Mertesacker is the world’s friendliest debt collector. Probably intimidates players into coughing up by smiling sweetly at them.

PGHGooners

Simply Outstanding.

Amen

A hearty one to cheer us up. Thanks Allen, laughing all the way!

Harendra

Pretty sad seeing what’s happened to the identity of the club. For a team famous for free flowing inventive football anyway.

THEREISBEARCUM

What do you mean?

funk

funniest post in a good while.. not easy to have a good laugh these days

Alf

Wonder what happens if BFG is late with his fines??

Dave

He’s German. German’s are efficient. Being late is not an option

THEREISBEARCUM

He would never incur a fine. He is Mertesacker.

Cele

Our first team are on what an absolute minimum of 40k a week? These fines look completely insignificant.

THEREISBEARCUM

How much should one be fined for illegal reading of a newspaper?

Asmodeus

Brilliant – thanks for the laugh

Pride of London

forget the fines, They should add incentives for players like Diaby who kick John Terry in the face and knock him out

Gibbs' Ears

A couple of Bayern Munich players were fined earlier this month for wearing the wrong coloured socks to training. In comparison our fines are reasonable.

Dexter

Claiming Rosicky listens to shit music – £500.

Metal and Rock are the shit.

emre

poor or abstract? hmm…

not gonna renew season ticket
not gonna renew season ticket

“the Meerkat voice / Arshavin / he likes it” comment really made me laugh! C’mon let’s beat West Ham this week and get some poper momentum going before Bayern Munich next month (which might be our last chance to watch CL football at Emirates for a decade).

this entire joke of a season might be worth the pain if i can see Poldi spit on that dutch cunts face at Wembley in the FA Cup final.

MORE_BEATDOWN

Tackling Diaby in training – £5,000

Ha!

Corbygooner

Hahaha this is hilarious!!

ilya

I saw that photo week ago, LOL

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David

saying “It’s like a new signing” or “the spirit of the squad was good” – Manager fine, haha. I love this blog!!!

Nelson

Tackling Diaby should be a 100,000 pounds fine.

R18

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA

@ALLEN. This is some of your best work. Might I add.

“Make diaby take a throw in — £1500”

bernieddevil

Oh man thats too funny, sod all the doom n gloom 🙂

North Bank Gooner

Taking out a nobhead who has fouled throughout the game, and turned into Tom Daley when your keeper breathed in his “personal space” – +£20,000 bonus, and all yellows paid by the club for the season 😉

Delboy

BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN. BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.
BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.

Corrado

Calm down. Per doesn’t like when people scream.

£oyalty for $ale

This is just fucking brilliant 🙂

obinston

failing to score a sitter….
you would attend harry redknapp’s english class

deano

And make a side payment to his dogs bank account

Pak Gooner

Haha this is some next level stuff..good one blogs

Cale

Am I the only one that finds this flippen great. Great work guys

Kerl

I could almost see Vermaelen pulling out a bunch of £20’s, switching to cold dead eyes mode and whispering.

“Happy ending, now!”

phat

these fines should be in percentages… top earners wouldnt need to care about these peanuts fines. itll definately hit the the poorest players at the club

Kippy

Kind of makes sense in a way. If you are on less money the fines will hit you harder, making you more likely not to breach the conditions so that by the time you are on good money it shouldn’t really be an issue anymore.

phat

no players on good wages will have any issues. why would they though? they are free to breach any rules as long as they pay up peanuts. it may keep the youngsters on their toes but it certainly doesnt keep the seniors.

Kippy

The point im making is that when you are younger, it’ll have more of an effect on you, so in theory they should learn from their mistakes and by the time they have grown up at the club it will have been ‘disciplined’ out of them – But in all honesty, even if you are on 20,000 a week instead of 100,000 a week these fines are still relatively minimal.

A Yank

“Failing to get a corner past the near post – £250”

That can’t be right or else we would have paid off the stadium by now and eyeing Messi’s buyout clause.

TomJ

True, Theo would owe us cash by the time his contracts up

Built like an Ox

Ahhh now it makes sense why he asked for a pay raise… he must owe millions in debt

Glasgow_Gunner

Telling supporters were gonna spend then not follow through – Fine = £25 million and ejection from the top 4

Quick

I read that as ‘ejaculation’ then. Steady on chaps, just paying a fine will do….

Matt Senior

I’d love to ejaculate into the top four if it gets us there (how my dreams have shrunk to fit my reality….)

kevs

Fellaini or isco plz.

5pur2 dr00L

Just give us the good half of Everton. Should be easy, right?

Trickeygooner

Well done for trying to cheer us all up. I’ve felt sick all day. It’s like finally realising the cancer is terminal and all the chances that they’ve had to catch and cure it have been overlooked. Rip AFC.

kevs

The board/Wenger is destroying this club at the moment, by not spending money. Without investment, our chances to finishing 4th is the same as zero. It doesn’t exactly take an rocketscientist to see that this squad needs strenghtning.

Aamir

I love Per Mertesacker. Him as the fine collector made me laugh so much. 6 foot 6 inch tall BFG.

goontang

So…….. have we been reduced to fining the players every day to help with the transfer kitty? it looks like no one disobeys the rules then, cos there aint no fucking transfers happening thats for sure.

Othello

hilarious! cheers

Tim

•Tackling Diaby in training – £60,000 pound per week for the duration of the injury

Oz

Even made me smile.

Now back to being miserable about how shit the club has got lately under Wenger and the board.

R18

“Driving at 175mph to training – 2 weeks
wages + publicly swap shirts with RVP”
Something tells me santos would do this
everytime. Publicly swapping shirts with rvp at
expense of 2week wages?. You’ve got santos
signed up for that.

Chamberlain kicking in the snow (trainning)
and then he’s all over sudden mysteriously ill?
This has to stop….£500 fine + forced to read
piers morgans tweets.

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