119 responses

  1. Seb
    January 21, 2013

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Poorly-rated Thumb up 70 Thumb down 555

    • @AAllenSport
      January 21, 2013

      I’ll let the thumbs down be our response.

      Thumb up 279 Thumb down 26

      • Frrrrred
        January 21, 2013

        Should have put this one in @Allen.

        Give a pass to giroud to score – benched + £2000 fine.

        Eh, eh? I’ll get my coat.

        Thumb up 11 Thumb down 51

    • Ben
      January 21, 2013

      But Seb, I’m not in the mood for your shitty mood.

      Fuck off and come back again when you’ve grown a sense of humour.

      Thumb up 188 Thumb down 15

    • Joe
      January 21, 2013

      Awww someone’s in a grumpy mood…. £5,000 fine!

      Thumb up 159 Thumb down 5

    • THEREISBEARCUM
      January 21, 2013

      FOOTBALL IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. NOT BASICALLY ENTERTAINMENT.

      Thumb up 111 Thumb down 6

    • Gunner From Another Mother
      January 21, 2013

      On the contrary. I needed to read something funny like this after yesterdays…game.

      “All fines to be paid in cash to Per Mertesacker” – Am I the only one who finds this fucking hilarious?

      And credit to you for “Not wearing Dr. Dre headphones when stepping off team bus” hilarious as well

      Thumb up 53 Thumb down 1

      • goontang
        January 21, 2013

        I think there should be no headphones allowed at all, and tomas rosicky controls the team bus music. Maybe the boys would be fired up in the first half if they are listening to abit of Ramstein instead of Tracey Chapman.

        Thumb up 48 Thumb down 1

      • R18
        January 22, 2013

        But how will rosicky control the bus music when he never even in the friggin bus. Either he’s out injured or at the studios recording music (does he do this?, he seems the type)

        Okay, I miss him. The footballer not the rockstar.

        Thumb up 19 Thumb down 2

      • goontang
        January 22, 2013

        I believe one of the fines is “not showing up for games even if your not on the teamsheet”.

        Problem solved. DJ Rosicky.

        Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

    • lovelyboi
      January 22, 2013

      Using Olivier Giroud’s vanity mirror without permission- £500

      AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……..! *blushing

      Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

    • @sebinho9
      January 24, 2013

      You give people like me a bad name. This is exactly the sort of levity we needed!

      Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  2. Disparate Dan
    January 21, 2013

    Trivia! This is Pulitzer Prize stuff.

    Thumb up 59 Thumb down 5

  3. MrKiuch
    January 21, 2013

    hahaha

    Thumb up 29 Thumb down 15

    • AK
      January 21, 2013

      what did this guy do wrong to get 5 thumbs down? you can laugh even?

      Thumb up 50 Thumb down 5

      • AK
        January 21, 2013

        cant*

        Thumb up 14 Thumb down 13

      • arseblog
        January 21, 2013

        I think it was the extra ‘ha’

        Haha is fine but hahaha sounds like you might be laughing sarcastically.

        Thumb up 117 Thumb down 19

      • kevs
        January 21, 2013

        wtf?!

        Thumb up 40 Thumb down 3

      • a rich wooly owl
        January 21, 2013

        hahahaha

        what about an extra ha? returns it to an even number

        Thumb up 42 Thumb down 5

  4. Mooro
    January 21, 2013

    ‘Failing to turn up to a match until the 46th fuckin minute, yet again – a hearty kick in the fuckin bollocks you useless bunch of cunts’.

    Sorry. Bit tired today.

    Thumb up 178 Thumb down 5

    • North Bank Gooner
      January 21, 2013

      do you know, i always seem to be tired the day after a game.

      maybe its all those trips backwards and forwards to the recycling bin, need a Guiness anaesthetic to watch 1st halves at the moment!

      ;)

      Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0

  5. Nickgooner84
    January 21, 2013

    Seriously? Go post on She Wore a Yellow Ribbon if you want to moan about how shit we are. That’s all you seem to get over there.

    Thumb up 24 Thumb down 21

    • Nickgooner84
      January 21, 2013

      This was supposed to be in response to Seb, I enjoyed this post!

      Thumb up 31 Thumb down 4

    • Alf
      January 21, 2013

      I got banned from posting on that site. Not totally sure why but I think I was too optimistic about our abilities !

      Thumb up 32 Thumb down 4

      • Nickgooner84
        January 21, 2013

        haha that sounds about right. I stupidly had a glance at the comments on a post about the loss yesterday, honest to god there was supporters saying the might as well go start supporting Spurs!

        I mean things are not great at the moment, but that is the kind of level of supporters they have there.

        Thumb up 27 Thumb down 6

  6. George
    January 21, 2013

    Not strengthening the squad in january – failure to qualify in for the champions league, loss of revenue, futher decline…

    Thumb up 29 Thumb down 10

  7. diaby
    January 21, 2013

    Its a shame the top fines arent…

    1) Playing like a spineless wanker in a big game. £500,000
    2) Playing like an uninterested fuck face in a small game. £500,000
    Fines to be added to the transfer kitty*

    *assuming there is such a thing?!

    Thumb up 125 Thumb down 3

    • deano
      January 21, 2013

      Silent stan would love that idea.

      Thumb up 10 Thumb down 2

    • Matt Senior
      January 22, 2013

      Arshavin would be out on the streets of st petersburg slinging meth if those fines existed

      Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

  8. Lec
    January 21, 2013

    “Asking for a happy ending in the massage room”

    Hahahaha I’d risk my £2500 out of my weekly £50k just asking for this. Who knows I might get lucky.

    Thumb up 45 Thumb down 5

    • master floda
      January 21, 2013

      kieran hunt is a good looking guy indeed. though i’d rather get that kind of massage from chelsea’s eva carneiro ;-)

      Thumb up 62 Thumb down 0

      • xxxrob
        January 22, 2013

        She’s a fuckin babe I always sit up and pay attention when there’s a cut away to their bench. Haha

        Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

      • R18
        January 22, 2013

        I don’t like seeing her next to terry on the bench though.

        “Step away from that lady you cunt” I wish it were that easy, maybe terry needs to start matches more often then. Problem solved.

        Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

    • Joe
      January 21, 2013

      Now that’s definitely a paddling! Who knows, you may enjoy it!

      Thumb up 16 Thumb down 0

  9. Matt
    January 21, 2013

    HAHA all cash to Mertesacker… Too slow to make away with the money….

    Thumb up 141 Thumb down 0

    • Gearoid Kelly
      January 21, 2013

      Ha. “Merkel-sacker”. So that’s how Germany are able to bail out us Irish.

      Thumb up 24 Thumb down 6

      • TomJ
        January 21, 2013

        Nope. That would be because its a loan and is being paid back with interest

        Thumb up 6 Thumb down 7

      • Gearoid Kelly
        January 22, 2013

        I think you missed the joke in there. I’m aware that Per Mertesacker isn’t directly channeling Arsenal’s player fines into the Irish government’s coffers

        Thumb up 12 Thumb down 2

      • garyfootscrayaustralia
        January 24, 2013

        The English are a bit uptight though, Gearoid. Look how upset they got when they started losing their invasion fiefdoms…sorry, i meant “colonies”

        Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  10. Kai
    January 21, 2013

    Fines in the hundreds or even a couple of thousand are a bit pointless when a player earns £100k a week.

    Thumb up 29 Thumb down 3

  11. Pete_90
    January 21, 2013

    100 quid for reading the paper in the dressing room?!?!?! Steep!

    Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

    • Joe
      January 21, 2013

      Especially if they just want to know what shenanigans Snoopy and the gang got up to.

      Thumb up 25 Thumb down 0

  12. welile
    January 21, 2013

    Poor vodka sweating Arshavin

    Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

  13. big black clock
    January 21, 2013

    Idk why I find it so funny that Mertesacker is the Fine collecter

    Thumb up 53 Thumb down 0

    • george
      January 21, 2013

      blatantly Per just put that up there himself to make some extra dollah.

      Thumb up 22 Thumb down 0

    • Reality check
      January 21, 2013

      It’s because he is German.

      Thumb up 32 Thumb down 0

    • Tottenhams reckoning
      January 21, 2013

      Per being the collector made my friggin’ week

      Thumb up 24 Thumb down 1

    • RobM
      January 21, 2013

      I can’t imagine anyone telling him “Fuck off, I’m not paying” twice.

      Thumb up 22 Thumb down 0

    • THEREISBEARCUM
      January 21, 2013

      I liked this interpretation: http://i.imgur.com/ALY3Qaf.jpg?1

      Thumb up 47 Thumb down 1

      • jsergio
        January 21, 2013

        this is sensational.

        Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

      • Tenzo
        January 21, 2013

        You have no idea how much I love you for sharing this…

        Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

    • Cyril Washbrook
      January 21, 2013

      I’m fairly certain that Mertesacker is the world’s friendliest debt collector. Probably intimidates players into coughing up by smiling sweetly at them.

      Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

  14. PGHGooners
    January 21, 2013

    Simply Outstanding.

    Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  15. Amen
    January 21, 2013

    A hearty one to cheer us up. Thanks Allen, laughing all the way!

    Thumb up 18 Thumb down 0

  16. Harendra
    January 21, 2013

    Pretty sad seeing what’s happened to the identity of the club. For a team famous for free flowing inventive football anyway.

    Thumb up 6 Thumb down 10

    • THEREISBEARCUM
      January 21, 2013

      What do you mean?

      Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  17. funk
    January 21, 2013

    funniest post in a good while.. not easy to have a good laugh these days

    Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  18. Alf
    January 21, 2013

    Wonder what happens if BFG is late with his fines??

    Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

    • Dave
      January 21, 2013

      He’s German. German’s are efficient. Being late is not an option

      Thumb up 46 Thumb down 0

    • THEREISBEARCUM
      January 21, 2013

      He would never incur a fine. He is Mertesacker.

      Thumb up 16 Thumb down 1

  19. Cele
    January 21, 2013

    Our first team are on what an absolute minimum of 40k a week? These fines look completely insignificant.

    Thumb up 2 Thumb down 6

    • THEREISBEARCUM
      January 21, 2013

      How much should one be fined for illegal reading of a newspaper?

      Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

  20. Asmodeus
    January 21, 2013

    Brilliant – thanks for the laugh

    Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

  21. Pride of London
    January 21, 2013

    forget the fines, They should add incentives for players like Diaby who kick John Terry in the face and knock him out

    Thumb up 42 Thumb down 1

  22. Gibbs’ Ears
    January 21, 2013

    A couple of Bayern Munich players were fined earlier this month for wearing the wrong coloured socks to training. In comparison our fines are reasonable.

    Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  23. Dexter
    January 21, 2013

    Claiming Rosicky listens to shit music – £500.

    Metal and Rock are the shit.

    Thumb up 16 Thumb down 8

    • emre
      January 21, 2013

      poor or abstract? hmm…

      Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  24. not gonna renew season ticket
    January 21, 2013

    “the Meerkat voice / Arshavin / he likes it” comment really made me laugh! C’mon let’s beat West Ham this week and get some poper momentum going before Bayern Munich next month (which might be our last chance to watch CL football at Emirates for a decade).

    this entire joke of a season might be worth the pain if i can see Poldi spit on that dutch cunts face at Wembley in the FA Cup final.

    Thumb up 27 Thumb down 0

  25. MORE_BEATDOWN
    January 21, 2013

    Tackling Diaby in training – £5,000

    Ha!

    Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0

  26. Corbygooner
    January 21, 2013

    Hahaha this is hilarious!!

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  27. ilya
    January 21, 2013

    I saw that photo week ago, LOL

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  28. David
    January 21, 2013

    saying “It’s like a new signing” or “the spirit of the squad was good” – Manager fine, haha. I love this blog!!!

    Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  29. Nelson
    January 21, 2013

    Tackling Diaby should be a 100,000 pounds fine.

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  30. R18
    January 21, 2013

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA

    @ALLEN. This is some of your best work. Might I add.

    “Make diaby take a throw in — £1500″

    Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  31. bernieddevil
    January 21, 2013

    Oh man thats too funny, sod all the doom n gloom :)

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  32. North Bank Gooner
    January 21, 2013

    Taking out a nobhead who has fouled throughout the game, and turned into Tom Daley when your keeper breathed in his “personal space” – +£20,000 bonus, and all yellows paid by the club for the season ;)

    Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  33. Delboy
    January 21, 2013

    BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN. BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.
    BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.

    Thumb up 15 Thumb down 2

    • Corrado
      January 21, 2013

      Calm down. Per doesn’t like when people scream.

      Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

  34. £oyalty for $ale
    January 21, 2013

    This is just fucking brilliant :)

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

  35. obinston
    January 21, 2013

    failing to score a sitter….
    you would attend harry redknapp’s english class

    Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

    • deano
      January 21, 2013

      And make a side payment to his dogs bank account

      Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  36. Pak Gooner
    January 21, 2013

    Haha this is some next level stuff..good one blogs

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  37. Cale
    January 21, 2013

    Am I the only one that finds this flippen great. Great work guys

    Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  38. Kerl
    January 21, 2013

    I could almost see Vermaelen pulling out a bunch of £20’s, switching to cold dead eyes mode and whispering.

    “Happy ending, now!”

    Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

  39. phat
    January 21, 2013

    these fines should be in percentages… top earners wouldnt need to care about these peanuts fines. itll definately hit the the poorest players at the club

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

    • Kippy
      January 21, 2013

      Kind of makes sense in a way. If you are on less money the fines will hit you harder, making you more likely not to breach the conditions so that by the time you are on good money it shouldn’t really be an issue anymore.

      Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

      • phat
        January 21, 2013

        no players on good wages will have any issues. why would they though? they are free to breach any rules as long as they pay up peanuts. it may keep the youngsters on their toes but it certainly doesnt keep the seniors.

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      • Kippy
        January 21, 2013

        The point im making is that when you are younger, it’ll have more of an effect on you, so in theory they should learn from their mistakes and by the time they have grown up at the club it will have been ‘disciplined’ out of them – But in all honesty, even if you are on 20,000 a week instead of 100,000 a week these fines are still relatively minimal.

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  40. A Yank
    January 21, 2013

    “Failing to get a corner past the near post – £250″

    That can’t be right or else we would have paid off the stadium by now and eyeing Messi’s buyout clause.

    Thumb up 28 Thumb down 0

    • TomJ
      January 21, 2013

      True, Theo would owe us cash by the time his contracts up

      Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

      • Built like an Ox
        January 21, 2013

        Ahhh now it makes sense why he asked for a pay raise… he must owe millions in debt

        Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

  41. Glasgow_Gunner
    January 21, 2013

    Telling supporters were gonna spend then not follow through – Fine = £25 million and ejection from the top 4

    Thumb up 5 Thumb down 3

    • Quick
      January 21, 2013

      I read that as ‘ejaculation’ then. Steady on chaps, just paying a fine will do….

      Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

      • Matt Senior
        January 22, 2013

        I’d love to ejaculate into the top four if it gets us there (how my dreams have shrunk to fit my reality….)

        Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  42. kevs
    January 21, 2013

    Fellaini or isco plz.

    Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

    • 5pur2 dr00L
      January 23, 2013

      Just give us the good half of Everton. Should be easy, right?

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  43. Trickeygooner
    January 21, 2013

    Well done for trying to cheer us all up. I’ve felt sick all day. It’s like finally realising the cancer is terminal and all the chances that they’ve had to catch and cure it have been overlooked. Rip AFC.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 4

    • kevs
      January 21, 2013

      The board/Wenger is destroying this club at the moment, by not spending money. Without investment, our chances to finishing 4th is the same as zero. It doesn’t exactly take an rocketscientist to see that this squad needs strenghtning.

      Thumb up 2 Thumb down 6

  44. Aamir
    January 21, 2013

    I love Per Mertesacker. Him as the fine collector made me laugh so much. 6 foot 6 inch tall BFG.

    Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  45. goontang
    January 21, 2013

    So…….. have we been reduced to fining the players every day to help with the transfer kitty? it looks like no one disobeys the rules then, cos there aint no fucking transfers happening thats for sure.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  46. Othello
    January 21, 2013

    hilarious! cheers

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  47. Tim
    January 22, 2013

    •Tackling Diaby in training – £60,000 pound per week for the duration of the injury

    Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  48. Oz
    January 22, 2013

    Even made me smile.

    Now back to being miserable about how shit the club has got lately under Wenger and the board.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  49. R18
    January 22, 2013

    “Driving at 175mph to training – 2 weeks
    wages + publicly swap shirts with RVP”
    Something tells me santos would do this
    everytime. Publicly swapping shirts with rvp at
    expense of 2week wages?. You’ve got santos
    signed up for that.

    Chamberlain kicking in the snow (trainning)
    and then he’s all over sudden mysteriously ill?
    This has to stop….£500 fine + forced to read
    piers morgans tweets.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  50. Tom Tom
    January 22, 2013

    This list really doesn’t matter. They SHOULD NOT be late to training. They should focus on FOOTBALL not calling their mates. This list doesn’t really matter, just fines them for doing things they shouldn’t be focusing on. They should focus on winning.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 3

  51. Gareth Davies
    January 22, 2013

    Hah hah – love the new list. But here’s something to try. If you’re on £100,000 a week a £100 fine is 0.5% (or multiply by 0.001). Now guys and gals, I suggest you take your own weekly wage and calculate what that fine would be to you.

    Now would you really give a fuck about the fine??!! Oooh, but if you’re only on £50K a week it’s twice as much as that!

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  52. Ger
    January 22, 2013

    Is it wrong to want to see players fined for taking horrendous free/corner kicks? At least that way they will get back some of the money from Walcott.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  53. Jonny la
    January 22, 2013

    “Unbelievable spirit” and “mental strength” quotes, weeks wage fine, should save us a few mill.

    Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  54. Mertesacker’s Houseboy
    January 22, 2013

    Boss having to collect Arshavin’s fine made me giggle

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  55. NeetPolice
    January 22, 2013

    Is Frimpong broke yet?

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  56. A N Other
    January 22, 2013

    I wonder if they have fines for concending stupid goals.. Our defenders would be skint.

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  57. eh
    January 23, 2013

    That’s fine list.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    • eh
      January 23, 2013

      Should be: That’s a fine list.

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  58. dizzle
    January 23, 2013

    Using Chamakh’s hair gel: £500

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

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