EXCLUSIVE: New Arsenal fine list revealed

EXCLUSIVE: New Arsenal fine list revealed

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There’s a photograph doing the rounds (see above), taken at Arsenal’s London Colney training HQ originally posted by @bootifulgame on Twitter, showing an A4 sign that outlines how Arsene Wenger clamps down on ill-discipline in the Gunners camp.

From turning up late to wearing the wrong kit, there’s a fine for pretty much everything. It isn’t though the only list which exists, as Arseblog News can exclusively reveal…

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2012-2013 AFC Player Fines (updated)

  • Smoking shisha in a nightclub (and getting caught on camera) – £2,000 + six months watching Sam Allardyce get undressed at West Ham
  • Hugging an opponent after a defeat – £1,000 + room with Sebastien Squillaci for 3 months
  • Not wearing Dr Dre headphones when stepping off team bus – £250
  • Not having a new tattoo on the forearm/elbow area in the last month – £1,000
  • Saying the word DENCH / Wearing any clothing that says DENCH – £500
  • Repeatedly retweeting busty 18-year-old blondes at the expense of sad 30-something men claiming it’s their birthday  – £500
  • Driving at 175mph to training – 2 weeks wages + publicly swap shirts with RVP
  • Revealing the secret to Mikel Arteta’s perfect hair – £4,000 + a month teaching Craig Eastmond grammar
  • Trying to sell own-brand jewellery before training – £500 + kick in the groin + spell on the bench with Juventus
  • Sitting in Lukasz Fabianski’s treatment room rocking chair – £250
  • Knocking over autograph hunters outside the Tollington – £150
  • Losing all semblance of form – Arsenal Player interview duty for six months
  • Taunting Vito Mannone with a generic Italian gangster voice – Punch in the liver from Boro Primorac
  • Using Olivier Giroud’s vanity mirror without permission- £500
  • Hitting five consecutive free-kicks into opposition wall – £500
  • Messing with the zip on the boss’ favourite jacket – Transfer listed
  • Hiding Vic Akers’ shorts – That’s a paddlin’
  • Failing to high-five or hug Gunnersaurus when opportunity arises – cone duty for a month
  • Doing a ‘Compare the Meerkat’ voice when Arshavin waddles in – £250 (Updated- no fine, he likes it…crazy bastard)
  • Not using at least three hideous clichés in post-match Sky interviews – £1,000 + letter of apology to Geoff Shreeves
  • Using ‘da ting’ (e.g) ‘pass da ting’ when asking a teammate to give you the ball – £1,000
  • Failing to get a corner past the near post – £250 + three minutes in a booth with Frimpong’s screeching rapper mate
  • Rugby tackling opponent in the box – £1,000 + 1 game ban + must clean hair from shower plug-holes for 1 week. No, that’s not shampoo
  • Tackling Diaby in training – £5,000
  • Mistaking Neil Banfield for the postman – £350
  • Asking for a happy ending in the massage room – £2,500
  • Revealing the truth about Ju-Young Park – washing the boss’ car for the rest of the season.

All fines will be posted on the information screen in the First Team Dressing Room at the end of the month. All fines to be paid in cash to the Big Effing German within 7 days of being posted.

If not paid within 7 days – all fines will be doubled.

By order of and signed by Le Prof.  

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119 COMMENTS

      • Should have put this one in @Allen.

        Give a pass to giroud to score – benched + £2000 fine.

        Eh, eh? I’ll get my coat.

        Thumb up 11 Thumb down 51

    • On the contrary. I needed to read something funny like this after yesterdays…game.

      “All fines to be paid in cash to Per Mertesacker” – Am I the only one who finds this fucking hilarious?

      And credit to you for “Not wearing Dr. Dre headphones when stepping off team bus” hilarious as well

      Thumb up 53 Thumb down 1

      • I think there should be no headphones allowed at all, and tomas rosicky controls the team bus music. Maybe the boys would be fired up in the first half if they are listening to abit of Ramstein instead of Tracey Chapman.

        Thumb up 48 Thumb down 1

      • But how will rosicky control the bus music when he never even in the friggin bus. Either he’s out injured or at the studios recording music (does he do this?, he seems the type)

        Okay, I miss him. The footballer not the rockstar.

        Thumb up 19 Thumb down 2

      • I believe one of the fines is “not showing up for games even if your not on the teamsheet”.

        Problem solved. DJ Rosicky.

        Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

  1. ‘Failing to turn up to a match until the 46th fuckin minute, yet again – a hearty kick in the fuckin bollocks you useless bunch of cunts’.

    Sorry. Bit tired today.

    Thumb up 178 Thumb down 5

    • do you know, i always seem to be tired the day after a game.

      maybe its all those trips backwards and forwards to the recycling bin, need a Guiness anaesthetic to watch 1st halves at the moment!

      ;)

      Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0

  2. Seriously? Go post on She Wore a Yellow Ribbon if you want to moan about how shit we are. That’s all you seem to get over there.

    Thumb up 24 Thumb down 21

      • haha that sounds about right. I stupidly had a glance at the comments on a post about the loss yesterday, honest to god there was supporters saying the might as well go start supporting Spurs!

        I mean things are not great at the moment, but that is the kind of level of supporters they have there.

        Thumb up 27 Thumb down 6

  3. Not strengthening the squad in january – failure to qualify in for the champions league, loss of revenue, futher decline…

    Thumb up 29 Thumb down 10

  4. Its a shame the top fines arent…

    1) Playing like a spineless wanker in a big game. £500,000
    2) Playing like an uninterested fuck face in a small game. £500,000
    Fines to be added to the transfer kitty*

    *assuming there is such a thing?!

    Thumb up 125 Thumb down 3

  5. “Asking for a happy ending in the massage room”

    Hahahaha I’d risk my £2500 out of my weekly £50k just asking for this. Who knows I might get lucky.

    Thumb up 45 Thumb down 5

      • I think you missed the joke in there. I’m aware that Per Mertesacker isn’t directly channeling Arsenal’s player fines into the Irish government’s coffers

        Thumb up 12 Thumb down 2

      • The English are a bit uptight though, Gearoid. Look how upset they got when they started losing their invasion fiefdoms…sorry, i meant “colonies”

        Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  6. forget the fines, They should add incentives for players like Diaby who kick John Terry in the face and knock him out

    Thumb up 42 Thumb down 1

  7. A couple of Bayern Munich players were fined earlier this month for wearing the wrong coloured socks to training. In comparison our fines are reasonable.

    Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  8. “the Meerkat voice / Arshavin / he likes it” comment really made me laugh! C’mon let’s beat West Ham this week and get some poper momentum going before Bayern Munich next month (which might be our last chance to watch CL football at Emirates for a decade).

    this entire joke of a season might be worth the pain if i can see Poldi spit on that dutch cunts face at Wembley in the FA Cup final.

    Thumb up 27 Thumb down 0

  9. saying “It’s like a new signing” or “the spirit of the squad was good” – Manager fine, haha. I love this blog!!!

    Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA

    @ALLEN. This is some of your best work. Might I add.

    “Make diaby take a throw in — £1500″

    Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  11. Taking out a nobhead who has fouled throughout the game, and turned into Tom Daley when your keeper breathed in his “personal space” – +£20,000 bonus, and all yellows paid by the club for the season ;)

    Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  12. BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN. BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.
    BIIIIIG FUCKING GERRRRMAAAAN. WE’VE GOT A BIG FUCKING GERMAN.

    Thumb up 15 Thumb down 2

  13. I could almost see Vermaelen pulling out a bunch of £20’s, switching to cold dead eyes mode and whispering.

    “Happy ending, now!”

    Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

  14. these fines should be in percentages… top earners wouldnt need to care about these peanuts fines. itll definately hit the the poorest players at the club

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

    • Kind of makes sense in a way. If you are on less money the fines will hit you harder, making you more likely not to breach the conditions so that by the time you are on good money it shouldn’t really be an issue anymore.

      Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

      • no players on good wages will have any issues. why would they though? they are free to breach any rules as long as they pay up peanuts. it may keep the youngsters on their toes but it certainly doesnt keep the seniors.

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      • The point im making is that when you are younger, it’ll have more of an effect on you, so in theory they should learn from their mistakes and by the time they have grown up at the club it will have been ‘disciplined’ out of them – But in all honesty, even if you are on 20,000 a week instead of 100,000 a week these fines are still relatively minimal.

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  15. “Failing to get a corner past the near post – £250″

    That can’t be right or else we would have paid off the stadium by now and eyeing Messi’s buyout clause.

    Thumb up 28 Thumb down 0

  16. Well done for trying to cheer us all up. I’ve felt sick all day. It’s like finally realising the cancer is terminal and all the chances that they’ve had to catch and cure it have been overlooked. Rip AFC.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 4

    • The board/Wenger is destroying this club at the moment, by not spending money. Without investment, our chances to finishing 4th is the same as zero. It doesn’t exactly take an rocketscientist to see that this squad needs strenghtning.

      Thumb up 2 Thumb down 6

  17. So…….. have we been reduced to fining the players every day to help with the transfer kitty? it looks like no one disobeys the rules then, cos there aint no fucking transfers happening thats for sure.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  18. “Driving at 175mph to training – 2 weeks
    wages + publicly swap shirts with RVP”
    Something tells me santos would do this
    everytime. Publicly swapping shirts with rvp at
    expense of 2week wages?. You’ve got santos
    signed up for that.

    Chamberlain kicking in the snow (trainning)
    and then he’s all over sudden mysteriously ill?
    This has to stop….£500 fine + forced to read
    piers morgans tweets.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  19. This list really doesn’t matter. They SHOULD NOT be late to training. They should focus on FOOTBALL not calling their mates. This list doesn’t really matter, just fines them for doing things they shouldn’t be focusing on. They should focus on winning.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 3

  20. Hah hah – love the new list. But here’s something to try. If you’re on £100,000 a week a £100 fine is 0.5% (or multiply by 0.001). Now guys and gals, I suggest you take your own weekly wage and calculate what that fine would be to you.

    Now would you really give a fuck about the fine??!! Oooh, but if you’re only on £50K a week it’s twice as much as that!

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  21. Is it wrong to want to see players fined for taking horrendous free/corner kicks? At least that way they will get back some of the money from Walcott.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0