Little known fact: The reason Lukas Podolski is substituted by Arsene Wenger before the 80-minute mark in every single game is down to a curious body clock idiosyncrasy which dates back to his childhood. Growing up in the Polish town of Gliwice, the only stopwatch available at the local sports centre would malfunction when it reached 78 minutes so all games, by diktat of the local mayor, were deliberately cut by 12 minutes to avoid any controversy. As you might expect football in the region has suffered immensely with many games against rival towns forfeited. Indeed only Podolski’s supreme talent, spotted by scouts on YouvskiTubeski, was enough to persuade professional clubs to take a chance on him despite medicals revealing his body automatically shuts down ten minutes earlier than a normal footballer in anticipation of homemade pizza and a glass of fizzy pop.
Speaking after yesterday’s 5-1 win over West Ham United, a game in which he spanked home a pile-driver before casually setting up three goals in less than 250 seconds, the German international touched on his substitution record without wanting to reveal the embarrassing truth.
“Ask the boss why [it happens] — I don’t know,” said Podolski, a telling look in his eye giving away his knowledge of the crickety old stopwatch.
“When you are a footballer, you will not always play 90 minutes.
“Sometimes you are not happy but this is not important for me,” he continued, his eyes welling up.
“I do it well — I fight for Arsenal, for the club and team and this for me is important. [It is not a fitness issue], no.
“We have a lot of great players. The coaches don’t change the full-back or centre-back — you change always the positions in the front who create something. You have great players and it is not a problem when I am substituted.”
With that Lukas pressed the speed dial button for Dominos as the thought of a large Mighty Meaty pizza and side of Garlic Bread had his salivary glands buzzing.
Arseblog News understands what it’s like not to be able to make it through 90 minutes on a football pitch, our joints made up not of lovely, bendy cartilage but of a crusty bread like material which falls apart in the wet. If you need to talk Lukas our door is always open.
(The German also said some stuff about getting back in the top four, you can watch that on Arsenal Player though…)30,664 views