Somewhere in a parallel universe an ageing Franny Jeffers is still at Arsenal. Having led the line for the ‘Invincibles’ and broken Ian Wright’s scoring record the 31-year-old fan favourite has just signed a new one-year extension at the Emirates. The deal comes as little surprise given he’s the perfect foil for Ballon d’Or winner Nicklas Bendtner; the pair forming a little-and-large partnership which (much to chagrin of Michael Owen) continues to shake world football to its core.
For his part our Dane, buoyed by Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s tacit acceptance that he is neither as handsome or as good on the ball as his nemesis, remains unplayable. Now in his prime at the age of 25 he’s so deadly in the final third that football hipsters can’t help but spend their days creating ever-more ridiculously incongruous infographics to pay homage to his brilliance. He actually is The Greatest Striker That Ever Lived.
Alas in this world, the real one…perma-crock Bendtner, currently on loan at Juventus, has been cautioned for drink-driving while Jeffers, back in the UK after a failed spell with Maltese giants Floriana, has been arrested for waving a broom at police after an argument with his father-in-law.
It’s all rather sad. While Jeffers never really stood a chance at Highbury given the competition he faced, it’s flabbergasting to see the way his career has spiralled out of control since leaving the club eight years ago. He wasn’t THAT bad was he?
It’s rather a different case for Bendtner. He still has a chance to rescue a career at the highest level, but as the indiscretions and apologies stack up it does feel like his career is passing him by and he hasn’t yet realised it. From hanging out with Lee Cattermole to taking the piss with his pants, he loves making headlines…just not for his exploits in front of goal.
Tweeting about his latest road-related balls-up the Dane stated:
“Dear friends i was booked for a mild case of drinkdriving last night it was a quite nite but i am very very sorry to all my friends and fans (sic).
“It is not ok to drink and drive. I take full responsibility.”
Amazingly he’s still on the books until the summer of 2014, although Arseblog News isn’t going out on a limb by suggesting his future is not in N5.
Too much too young? Too young to care? Too carefree to give a rodent’s bottom? Who knows…but Nicklas would be well advised to read up on the life and (hard) times of Francis Jeffers.
Update – The Danish FA have banned Bendtner from international duty for six-months following Saturday’s incident.