Kroenke buys some more shares


Stan Kroenke’s KSE (Kroenke’s Spiffing Eels) have bought 13 more shares in Arsenal.

That brings their total to 41,596 or 66.85% of the available shares. The question is: what does this mean?

The answer is: nothing. It changes nothing. Except the number of shares that he owns, but beyond that it has no discernible impact on anything.

There had been rumours that the American was going to dress up like Santa and drop shares into crowded places for people to pick up but an Arsenal spokesperson said, “That’s beyond stupid. What are you talking about? Stop calling here. This is your last warning.”

Meanwhile, Alisher Usmanov’s offer to dress up as Santa for the office Christmas party was rejected by officials who were worried he’d repeat his trick of stealing all the mince pies like he did last year.

Instead, they hired former Gunner Vladimir Petrovic who simply refused to interact with players. Lukas Podolski was said to be particularly unhappy when Father Christmas told him he’d be getting nothing for Christmas expect an Aha double-album featuring all their hits like ‘Take on me’, ‘The sun always shines on TV’ and that other one about eagles who fly down into fjords and take small children away to their eyries before fashioning them into hybrid bird children that try and take over the world but are stopped by a conscientious lemur.

We used to have the 12″ extended dance mix picture disc of that but it was stolen one night by a crazed Norwegian who tried to sell it on the black market but ended up shot dead by some Macedonian hit men.

Karma, baby. Karma.


    • I wish to complain about the totally racist assumption that ALL Macedonians are racistmurderous thugs. At least 10% of us are nice guys!

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  1. Just out of interest, what is it that is that’s different between what Stan is doing and what Usmanov wants to do? Is it just that Stan has a media friendly look and from America whereas Usmanov is from Eastern Europe so therefore shady and untrustworthy. I’m not saying I would prefer him, but no one seems to care that share by share, Stan is turning the club into one of his assets. Why is it we stand back and let him but hate Usmanov for trying to do the same?

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