FA charge fat bloke for stamp

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The FA have charged Charlie Adam for his stamp on Olivier Giroud during Stoke’s 1-0 win over Arsenal at the weekend.

The corpulent clogger clearly brought his studs down on Giroud’s leg during the game, but claimed afterwards he had been aiming for the French striker’s nuts in an act of friendship so as to ensure he wouldn’t be involved in any further late-night scandals which might damage his career.

Much like his shooting, however, he missed.

Amazingly, despite there being video evidence of it, Stoke have said, “Charlie and the club are surprised and disappointed to learn of this and will appeal vigorously against the decision.”

To be fair, you can’t blame them when Yaya Toure got off scot-free when he booted some bloke in the spine, but then Stoke aren’t as flush as Man City and are unlikely to be given the same leeway from people who are about to enjoy an all expenses holiday in a luxury resort with a new watch and a slave and some gold bullion.

If banned Adam will have more time to eat Yorkies and chicken flavoured crisps washed down with cheap banana milk, as well as plotting a move to a low-level La Liga club so he can finally get around to breaking Gareth Bale’s ankles.

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