Former Invincible to join Arsenal board


Arsenal are set to add some much needed football expertise to the boardroom with the appointment of Pascal Cygan to a specially created new role.

The Frenchman, on the advice of Arsene Wenger, will be confirmed as the club’s first Strategic Football Consultant. After adding Josh Kroenke to the boardroom last year – the first step in reducing the average age of the directors – the 39 year old former defender will bring another dose of youthful vitality to the Arsenal set-up.

With question marks still over the manager’s intentions, and the board’s ability to make properly informed decisions about the footballing future of the club when Wenger does finally call it a day, the decision was taken to create a new role to bridge that knowledge gap.

Taking into account the suggestions made by fans groups like the Arsenal Supporter’s Trust, Black Scarf Movement and Arsenal Need Another Leader, that they needed somebody who understood the club and was cognisant with the needs of the modern game, a three man shortlist was fashioned after extensive discussion. The names put forward were Patrick Vieira, Dennis Bergkamp and Cygan.

Arsenal, however, were reluctant to ‘poach’ either of the first two candidates from their roles at Man City and Ajax respectively, due to the compensation they’d have to pay, and plumped for Cygan instead. Despite playing a bit-part role in the team for most of his Arsenal career, Wenger was always impressed by his intelligent outlook on the game.

After leaving the Gunners in 2006, he went to Spain to play for Villarreal (alongside Santi Cazorla and Robert Pires) and Cartagena, before retiring in 2011. Since then he’s been doing his coaching badges, and studying at some of Europe’s biggest clubs to gain insight into the way they’re run.

He spent time in Italy and Germany, and undertook a 3 month role at Turkish giants Fenerbache but was forced to cut short his stay there due to an intense allergic reaction to a pesticide used on the grass at their training ground.

Cygan was also recently spotted sitting alongside Ken Friar at a recent game at the Emirates, which led many to wonder if it was more than just a social visit.

The Frenchman’s duties will include compiling a short-list of managerial candidates for the board to consider in the wake of Arsene Wenger’s admission he’d have no hand in that process.

As well as that he’ll be advising on general football matters, transfer policy and training ground improvements – one of which, on the instruction of Stan Kroenke himself, is the installation of a state of the art cryo-homeopathic bath which the American believes can put an end to the repetitive muscle strains suffered by Arsenal players.

The appointment is set to be confirmed by the end of month.


  1. It is plausible that cygan was a football genius while being an average player, is allergic to certain chemicals and that arsenal are up on some new age shit though. The shopped photo seems to give it away though.

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  2. Well played, although our friends in different timezones will probably actually scatch their heads for a while.

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  3. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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  4. I immediately thought this was weird Lmao. I actually didn’t know the UK did April’s Fool too. Forgive me. Funny stuff

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  5. Personally, I’m delighted that Arsenal Need Another Leader (ANAL) are getting a bigger say among Arsenal’s affairs.

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    • Yep, that was the point when I thought, “ANAL? Hang on a minute! He’s toying with us here, the rapscallion!”

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  6. I’m sure no one thought AW or SAF were great players, but both have done a good job after their playing careers. Lets not judge him on past performances and lets see what he does in his new job. Good luck to him I say.

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  7. An excellent idea, and great to have some new faces on the board. Also I understand, just to the left of Pascal is another new prospective board member, Gus Ceasar, sadly out of shot in this photo. In addition I hear that Francis Jeffers was another possible, but unfortuately is unavailabe to to him doing….whatever it is he does these days. Anyways exciting times for the club, great to have these calibre of men involved at an executive level.

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  8. But John terry is a cunt whether its April fools or Easter or Xmas or Anything. John Terry will always be a cunt.

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  9. I wasn’t buying it, until the part where is said Arsenal decided on their 3rd choice because they didn’t want to have to pay compensation for the other two. After that, I knew it was real.

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  10. Nearly had a heart attack til I read the comments….LOL. Totally lost track of the date. And day of the week. It’s 2003, right?

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  11. Cryo-homeopathic! Brilliant!
    (Actually, it wouldn’t hurt to try. Desperate times and all that…)
    Hope this ‘news’ appears in The Metro. Divs.

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  12. It’s 8pm on the East Coast in the US. Therefore this isn’t an April Fools Joke. It’s just a brutal prank that confused the crap out of me.

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  13. Wenger was seen leaving Heathrow airport this morning,
    Destination Switzerland.

    A) To sign a player.
    B) To Deposit large suitcase of cash.

    Probably B.

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  14. Blogs there are times I truly believe a few bolts are not only loose but permanently lost with no hope of replacing. Thou art hilarious!. Time of post gave it up though…Cygan!!!!. Guaranteed rib cracker. Would like to empty a few pints with you!.

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  15. Hahaha this is so well constructed, it’s scary!

    this joke believes that it’s the real thing. I love that shit.

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  16. I’m at the airport and I started to swear out loud profusely before I realized what day it is. A little embarrassed by all the looks but thoroughly relieved.

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  17. very nearly sh@t myself, then remembered the date and the fact I’m sitting on the toilet. Thanks arse blog for helping me on the way to a healthy colon. Ps I was suffering fat fingers so ignore my previous pos. Time to wipe up where’s bendtner when you need him….

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  18. I love it, “spent time at some of Europes biggest clubs, including 3 months at Turkish giants Fenerbache”. Well I think it’s about time our little community football team started to aspire to the dizzying heights of the Turkish top tier. The sky is the limit it seems!!

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  19. Cygan as 4th choice CB (2003) > Squillaci as 4th choice CB (2012) > No 4th choice CB (2014)

    Cygan as a young board member with football knowledge > No young board member with football know how

    April fool, indeed

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  20. FFS Bloggs…it’s too early to make sense of that sort of headline….Reel me in, we’ll played Sir. …

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  21. And Andre Arshavin and Andre Santos are our new fitness gurus. Bendtner the new cark park attendant and Ashley Cole is getting a statue. Nice try though.

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  22. Bad joke. This incompetent board deciding to bring Cygan in to help them choose a new manager wouldn’t surprise me.

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    • arseblog ,do you pay this guy to come and talk bollocks for the sake of “debating”?

      hey fatscum, arsenal is not your team anymore. wenger changed everything, you will have to do with one of totenham chelsea, …west ham? …your pick. just forget arsenal dude, its not for you anymore.

      go put on one of your dvds with seaman getting lobbed from 50 mtrs out in the dying seconds of a european final….now thats world class. and dixon getting owned by paok …ahahaa…the old arsenal. that team of winners the whole of the football world was afraid of. van basten always said how thankful he was to thatcher for the ban or else tony and co would have stopped his milan in european b2b titles….

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  23. I told a mugsmasher in work that Liverpool were having Suarez’s goals scratched off and points deducted as a result of lost goals because they forgot to register him for the season after his 10 match ban. The poor lad nearly went into meltdown. The more I think about it though the more I want it to be true.

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  24. Thought it was a bit much running two April Fool’s Day stories Blogs… Then I realised the Diaby one was genuine… Unless that Arsene’s little joke with us all…

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