Great news for fans as TV deal increases to £5.1bn


There was tremendous news for football fans this evening when it was announced that Sky and BT Sport will pay a combined £5.1bn for the rights to show Premier League football for three further seasons from 2016-17.

Having struggled through a period of great austerity, it means that the hard hit clubs – some of whom can barely afford to pay mediocre players over £100,000 per week – can now increase wages to the playing staff, managers and club officials.

Yet it’s not just that which will delight supporters of people barely scraping into the multi-millionaire bracket. It’s the knowledge that their clubs, as pillars of the community and backed by a coterie of custodian owners who have only the best interests of these august institutions at heart, will reward fans who have helped keep them afloat with more affordable ticket prices.

Although the last time there was a gigantic increase in TV revenue Arsenal, amongst others, increased the cost of attending matches, we’re assuming that was simply an administrative mistake and that this time the piles of cash will be used to benefit the people who, we’re told time and time again, are the ‘lifeblood’ of the game.

“With more money than ever before, it’s inevitable that ticket prices will tumble!”, said Hoss Gillenhooley of the Federation of Fed-Up Football Supporters Organisation.

“There’s just no way that clubs could be seen to be so greedy that even with all this extra money they’d consider upping the cost of attending matches.

“It’s great news. There’s even a real hope that some of this money might be invested in ‘grass roots’ to improve the quality of the game throughout the country and not just for 20 or so football clubs who exist in an increasingly surreal bubble of modern sporting fame and spotlight”.

Arsenal fan Clyde Rhino said, “I can’t wait until my season ticket is considerably cheaper than it is now. I might be able to bring one of kids to a game at last. Now I can keep this kidney that I could really do with, to be honest!”

When contacted by Arseblog News, an unnamed Premier League CEO refused to comment as he snorted fat lines of coke off a bar of gold while having hand-picked truffles and Beluga caviar packed up his arse by a high-class rent-boy he’d sourced direct from the Conservative Party’s special folder.

So, plenty to celebrate this evening as this is undoubtedly a deal which enriches us all, and not simply players, agents and football club owners, as well as the media moguls who are literally so rich they don’t give a shit that they spend money employing the likes of Michael Owen and Robbie Savage.

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