Walcott beats Bellerin in speed test that really matters


Show of hands – how many of you out there were happy that Theo Walcott signed a new deal?

Hands down.

walcott_fifa_fastestNow, how many of you were happy he signed a new deal because he’s fast as shit on FIFA?

Woooah. That’s a lot of hands.

Those in the latter group will be happy to hear that Theo is still the whizziest, zippiest, runningnest, speediest chap in the game, with a pace attribute of 96! That puts him ahead of Gareth Bale and Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubamayeng who have 94 and 95 respectively.

We reached out to Hector Bellerin’s people but they wouldn’t go on record. We did hear some background grumbling about a lawsuit though.

So, Walcott on the right in your front three, R2 like your life depends on it … and then he crosses it straight to keeper. Ah well.

Other Arsenal player attributes

Mesut Ozil: Through-balls – 91

Olivier Giroud: Heading – 83

Per Mertesacker: Standing tackle – 90

Francis Coquelin: Slide-tackle – 70 (disgrace!)

Alexis Sanchez: Shooting from distance – 88

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: Dribbling – 84

Aaron Ramsey: Blandness in interviews – 93

Jack Wilshere: Existential melancholia – 78

Santi Cazorla: Smileosity – 99

Petr Cech: Drumming – 65

Mathieu Flamini: Pointing – 100

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