World amazed as man takes train

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In unbelievable news today a man has taken a train to get from one place to another.

The humble sports star bought a ticket, or perhaps used an Oyster card, to descend onto the platform at one station where he stood and waited for the train to arrive. When it did, he stood behind the yellow line, politely allowed other passengers to alight, then got on and sat down.

When the train arrived at its destination, he stood up and got off the train, before exiting the station to go to where he needed to go.

It’s not known if he was especially excited or delighted about having used public transport, but an eyewitness told Arseblog News, “It was amazing. You think something like that can’t happen in front of your very eyes but it did!

“He just got on and sat there like a person. Unbelievable, yeah?! I can’t wait to tell this story to my grandchildren when I eventually have some.

“I’ve got to have children first, to be fair, but I’m so hyped up right now I’m going to suggest to the wife that we get down to it this evening.

“Actually, I’ve also got to get a wife, or a girlfriend, or find anyone that will talk to me, but still. This is truly the best day of my life.”

Further reports claim the modest hero was also ‘breathing air like a human’, but as yet we have been unable to confirm that in any meaningful way.

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