Kroenke reveals Arsenal fan has world’s best helicopter

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Stan Kroenke has revealed that a South African Arsenal fan has got the best helicopter in the world.

The club’s majority shareholder let slip in the information in an interview in which he talked about his controlling interesting in Arsenal.

He waffled a bit about spending, said something vaguely patronising and dismissive about ‘middle eastern’ owners of Premier League clubs, blabbered about stats and not spending money, and talked up the importance of having a manager with an economics degree – you can read it all here.

But the thing that stuck out for us was this bit. Speaking about how much Arsenal means to fans, he said:

“We have a gentleman who comes to Arsenal games, he flies his helicopter from South Africa, Cape Town to London quite often. It’s just an example of what a brand can mean, and what we can do in sports.”

Remarkable. Now, we looked into this a bit, and used the Internet as a tool for knowledge, rather than one to call someone names from a safe distance.

Using a so-called ‘search engine’ we asked: How far can a helicopter fly?

Yahoo Answers user ColeD provided this response: the world’s largest helicopter can fly about 745 miles without refueling.  so a normal helicopter would prob. be somewhere around 200 to 400 miles without refueling.

Ask.com said: The most-advanced helicopters can fly up to 300 miles before having to refuel. How long any particular helicopter can fly without refueling depends on the size, weight and age of the helicopter

Straight Dope Message board user Raveman said: A Bell 407 – kind of your standard but quite nice commercial helicopter — has a max airspeed of 140 knots and a range of about 330 miles. So you’re looking at 7 or 8 refueling stops, and nearly 20 hours of flight time. You’re not going to find military helicopters that are that much different in terms of speed or range, except for maybe some experimental ones.

That’s pretty much covered the spectrum of human knowledge right there, and here’s the shocking thing – the distance between Cape Town and London is 6011 miles. That is completely OUTSIDE the range of any helicopter currently known to man.

So what the hell is going on here? Has Kroenke been siphoning off transfer funds to help one of his mates develop a long-distance helicopter? Has he let the Airwolf Genie out of the bottle?

We’ll let you make up your own minds, but ultimately it’s obvious that Kroenke is using Arsenal as a way of testing new US Military technology before President Trump begins World War 3 the day after his inauguration.

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