Arsenal set to be investigated over suspicious fitness issues


Arsenal are braced for an investigation after newspaper reports yesterday showed highly suspicious fitness issues at the club.

The Telegraph have revealed that for the first time this season not a single Arsenal player missed training because of injury. Arsene Wenger had the full complement of players available to him thus leading experts to suggest something was amiss.

“This is Arsenal, after all,” said an industry leading expert who spoke to Arseblog News on the proviso that he, Randolph Spongetrimmer, remain anonymous.

“We’re talking about men who can strain a calf getting out of their car too quickly, snap an Achilles changing the TV channel, and rupture a cruciate ligament by thinking about whether or not Jon Snow is really dead.

“It’s clear there’s something very dubious going on here, and with all the latest revelations about doping in football, it wouldn’t be a surprise to discover Arsene Wenger and Shad Forsythe have been cooking up their own medicine in an RV out the back of the training ground.”

Club sources have denied this is the case, and insist the current situation is down to ‘blind luck … wait, don’t say that.

‘Say ‘Because we’re making great strides from a medical point of view’. That’s much better.’

Neither Wenger or Forsythe were available for comment, with a club spokesperson saying they were enjoying a meal at their favourite fried chicken restaurant. Just for the chicken. No other reason at all.

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