Confirmed: Olivier Giroud signs for Chelsea

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Olivier Giroud has become 60% less good looking by signing for Chelsea in a deal that reportedly sees Arsenal pocket £18.5 million.

The 31-year-old moves across London on an 18-month contract after six years as a Gunner having scored 105 goals in 253 games. He played his last minutes for us as a substitute in last night’s defeat to Swansea.

Giroud picked up three FA Cup medals along the way, scoring in one final [vs Aston Villa] and assisting Aaron Ramsey’s winners against Hull City and Chelsea in the other two. Not too shabby.

His departure has helped facilitate Arsenal’s capture of Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang by freeing Chelsea to sell the Michy Batshuayi to the Bundesliga side. It’s sort of one last assist for the big man…although if he’d just moved to Dortmund himself this would all be a lot less painful.

Last summer Giroud rejected approaches from the likes of West Ham, Everton, Marseille and Lyon but a lack of game time in the first half of the season raised concerns about whether he’d make the France squad for the World Cup.

Signed from Montpellier for £13 million, few had heard of the striker before he made the move to the Emirates. While he started life slowly in the red and white, he went on to score a number of important and spectacular goals that made him a popular figure on the terraces. Most notably, his famous ‘scorpion kick’ strike against Crystal Palace was awarded the FIFA Puskas award for the best goal of 2017.

Giroud had the torso of a Greek God, the beard of a Spartan warrior and while we never got close enough to check for ourselves, we reckon he probably smelled quite nice too.

We can only hope that he turns to comfort eating to cope with the move to Chelsea. And that some of his hair falls out. We don’t really mean that. We’re just sad.

Sort of good luck Ollie, we’ll miss you.

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