Exclusive: Arsenal miss out on [player name]

87

Arsenal, and other clubs, but especially Arsenal, have missed out on the signing of [player name].

The [country] international has been in sparkling for this season for [current club], scoring [x] goals and helping his side to reach [semi/final]/ and/or lift [trophy/championship].

The [position] wizard/stalwart has long been linked with a move to the Premier League with Arsene Wenger said to be desperate to bring him to the Emirates after [x] trophyless seasons.

But once again, the Gunners have been gazumped as [new club] announced today they had reached an agreement with [player name] and [current club] for a sensational summer swoop.

[Player surname] signed a new contract with [current club] in [year] and was scouted numerous times by Steve Rowley, Arsene Wenger’s main scout. It was thought that Arsenal would meet his [figure] buy-out clause, but the man nicknamed [nickname] has decided his future lies elsewhere.

It is now thought that Wenger will turn his attention elsewhere with [cheaper option], [even cheaper option], [ludicrous made-up option] and [bloke nobody’s heard of] all in his sights.

Please feel free to use this template for all your hit-whoring, made-up story needs.

love, your pals,

Arseblog News

87
Leave a Reply

avatar
newest oldest most voted
The guy who didn't leave
The guy who didn't leave

Götze?

Herold
Herold

It’s [player x] fs!, it’s clearly written there.

GeeFive
GeeFive

you’d think….just went to Bayern.

a gooner in Manchester
a gooner in Manchester

we have Ox who is in the same mould as Gozte.

Ox seems to be getting back on the right track. Will see how he is going to cope when get kicked.

Hope Ox will learn from Theo and Jack bad experiences so that he can get trickier and quicker to ride ankle-shattering challenges.

Jin
Jin

Just paste this article link to the comment of whatever news blog or soccer news, especially the damned dailymail shit news. Those journalists are shite. Especially jamie rapeknap

arsenalista
arsenalista

I’m now hearing that Goetze is a target for Arsenal in 2017.

Gibbs' Ears
Gibbs' Ears

Brilliant, this is why you’re my favorite.

Le grove
Le grove

To the tune of Daniel bryan.

NO! NO! NO! NO!

Modhabobo
Modhabobo

Absolutely, 100% spot on! What a brilliant article. The only thing I would have added something about since [Y] player left they have been desperate for [Z]

Dr. Silent
Dr. Silent

Pretty sure Blogs copied and pasted a document he had been e-mailed (by accident) to him by a reporter.

Said document entitled ‘General Arsenal Transfer Story’. Instructions: ‘Fill in the gaps however you please. Submit to editor for inclusion in next Saturday’s issue.’

Cygan's Magical Left Foot
Cygan's Magical Left Foot

I am sure he is not top top quality we are looking for, as we will only sign top top quality players. We are in the Market, and if top top player become available we will for sure sign him, but at the moment the European economy and employments around Europe is not ideal for us to spend, we have the money but throwing money at the problem is not the solution.

feygooner
feygooner

We were never in him, never. We have [X], [Y] and [Z] coming back from injury, who is a fantastic player, a top, top, top player. We will spend on the right player. Spending money is not the problem.

David
David

I believe as well that signing players can kill the young players already in the squad. If I sign Messi today, what happens to Gnabry? He will never develop. We must trust the young players and give them the chances they deserve.

Loop A Hole
Loop A Hole

I look at you not because you start the stories. But I look at you because you look at me, and when we look at us, do they want us to look at them? I’m angry, and I have Mental Strength. Oh and Diaby is out for three weeks.

ette
ette

Haha!

Pete
Pete

Brilliant!

Big Dave
Big Dave

“Wenger will turn his attention elsewhere with [cheaper option], [even cheaper option], [ludicrous made-up option] and [bloke nobody’s heard of] all in his sights” ………… Or Diaby [LANS]

d7g7
d7g7

Fucking love Arseblog. 😀

ThaatArsenalGuy

lol blogs you crack me up

Pavlos
Pavlos

Damn it! I really wanted [player] to join us!

deano

Yep Pavlos with you on that one mate. Pep is already getting on my tits and he hasn’t officially started work there yet. Not a bad move by Dortmund to announce his get out clause in the hope that someone abroad will match it and try convince him to join them. Can’t see us stumping up 32mill though. Great report blogs.

Trymulf
Trymulf

Well played, Sir, well played!

Sendros' hair dresser
Sendros' hair dresser

classic article. there is no one good enough that would play for us that can make a difference to a title run. jovetic maybe. we now make signings of an everton quality

Jamie
Jamie

Last time I checked, Everton weren’t able to sign the french golden boot winner, a double euro winner or the 4th most capped german ever. Keep the faith.

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally
The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

@Senderos

———–> here’s the point
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally
The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

.
.
.
.
.
————> and here’s your head.

Jimmy Neill
Jimmy Neill

what a read. and no shit its gotze

Othello
Othello

Brilliant article, cheers!

Lucan
Lucan

Fantastic, should there also be a something in there along the lines of ‘Following the departure talismanic (X) to (Barca/Shitty/Surrey Plc) leaving a gaping hole in (X)’

Miguel
Miguel

It’s all fucked now that [player] won’t join Arsenal. How can we show such a tremendous lack of ambition?

Wenger out.

(3 weeks later)

[Player] joins QPR’s ranks to ensure Premier League promotion campaign.

(3 months later)

[Player] flops.

Jack the Lad
Jack the Lad

Christopher Samba.

notsince61
notsince61

Coupet? Seriously, can you imagine some of the comments on some of the other blogs that have genuinely run this story!

crack
crack

I bet arsenal will miss out on [cheaper option] too. Sack the board. and Vick Akers

Usmanov
Usmanov

But they wont sack themselvevs :/

deano

Might sack Vick Akers though one less wage to pay.

Edu
Edu

You forgot to mention that Wenger has been a long-time admirer of [player name].

feygooner
feygooner

Who’s surprised? [player] was always out of our league. [cheaper option] is more realistic, and a top, top, top player too. And we will have so many LANS next season! None of them will get injured next season obviously 😉

Jimi
Jimi

Gotze for who tho? Seems to me as tho we have a plethora of players in that position… A world class centre forward please!

SteveDave
SteveDave

Memo including template soon to be circulating through the Daily Mail’s newsroom.

trackback

[…] end of the season. Considering that, I reckon anyone dabbling in rumour affairs should swiftly use this article to fill in their […]

abdul
abdul

Mr.Blogs on a Roll. Like it…
Cheers…

Andy
Andy

[arsenal player] has been linked with a move to Barce/city/manure. [arsenal player] has denied the allegation.

[Arsenal player] completes move to Barce/city/manure.

TOMA
TOMA

suarez? somebody with more ‘bite’ to his game than we currently have.

Yankee Gooner
Yankee Gooner

Shame what this does to the brand. [player] would’ve sold a lot of shirts in [country-x].

imarnuel_afc
imarnuel_afc

The template would be complete if “Arsene Wenger has been provided with a £Xm war chest and is prepared to break the club’s transfer record and signing X player as a statement of intent” haha

the only sam is nelson
the only sam is nelson

“Arsene Wenger has been provided with a £Xm war chest and is prepared to break the club’s transfer record by signing [cheaper option] as a statement of intent” <—- fixed it for you

Pete
Pete

“Arsene Wenger has been provided with a £[Transfer Budget x 2.5 + 15]m war chest”

AGunner
AGunner

Slow day Bloggs? 🙂

I hope we don’t see a similar one like this for Reus. As he is the one player that would add real quality to our already cramped midfield.

diefenbaker
diefenbaker

Probably end up playing right back in our team.
heh farny article

JD
JD

Why do Arsenal fans think we have even the slightest chance of signing players like Götze and Reus? You think they would enjoy fighting for fourth place trophy for the next five years? We will always sign players like Giroud or Gervinho (or, for that matter, the cunt back then) and hope they turn out great players.

Smudger
Smudger

I am furious that we didn’t sign [player]. We need to sack the board immediately and bring in Usmanov so we can buy [flavour-of-the-month-player], [perennially-linked-player] and [over-hyped-young-player-I’ve-never-seen-play].

Usmanov
Usmanov

Highly rated or expensive players arent necessarily over hyped. they cost more for a reason, their interesting quality. Just as other clubs are interested in our star players, every single season.

David
David

by “interesting quality”, you mean “being English”, right?

Usmanov
Usmanov

No! I mean like ones Wenger wanted to sign (or keep) in past few seasons but missed, aka mata vertonghen hazard goetze fabregas rvp…

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally
The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

O god, like the millions of people who want to make Jovetic our record signing because he’s good on footy manager and Fifa. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if none of them had ever seen him play.

Jiggalo
Jiggalo

He was nothing special vs England

Fatgooner
Fatgooner

Fantastic article. Fantastic comments.

Jack
Jack

A million Daily Mail articles in a nutshell.

Derg
Derg

Mr Blogs is simply awesome.

Santi Claws
Santi Claws

Only down-thumbed cos you really didn’t add anything here..

trackback

[…] end of the season. Considering that, I reckon anyone dabbling in rumour affairs should swiftly use this article to fill in their […]

gooner odst
gooner odst

I am appalled at the lack of [Ambition] shown by the [Board], why didn’t we sign [Player x], a player who [Manager] has shown interest in the past, or at least a [Player x] that will prove the ambition of the club. Many of our current players need to be benched because they are playing too much and we, [The fans] need to know…
After many training sessions with [Manager/Coach] many of our players can’t be asked to be up for a fight and will clear off to [Club bollocks]. [insert rant about wanting Manager out]

[Insert paragraph explaining why the board should be sacked]

Yours
AN [disgruntled generic fan]

Max
Max

I am extremely upset at missing out on a player that I didnt know we weren’t signing until 5 mins ago..

trackback

[…] 来源:[Arseblog News] […]

kkc
kkc

damn…we missed out on messi again?

Indiegunner
Indiegunner

That [player name] would have helped us win, he certainly better than the current crop who play in his position. But personally, I would mind [cheaper option] or [made up option] either.

Anura
Anura

I’ve enjoyed reading this blog and all the comments, a great way to spend time on the toilet.

Jim Jimminy
Jim Jimminy

Good to know i’m not the only one. The people i work with just think i have a serious bowel complaint.

Eddie
Eddie

very funny….., at least we can smile about it

BarcaArse2006
BarcaArse2006

Is it Just me or does any one else think Daily mail has a severe Problem with Arsenal and don’t care if people know about it, their articles are highly unsettling & biased and paint a picture of Arsenal in constant Chaos when even things are going smoothly. some one should email them or tell them to …[ ,l.. OFF! ]

Daft Aider
Daft Aider

goal.com will now link directly to this page during the training period of new writers/slaves

Touched Your Mother
Touched Your Mother

Its a shame Götze is going to Bayern… really hoped Dortmund might turn into something special over the next couple of years. And of all the places, it just weakens the Bundesliga, which is too bad.

davo57
davo57

Actually since day one of this season Arsenal has been linked to a hundred players. Depending on the source they have signed for next season, have signed for next week, have just arrived, completing medical, will join the team training Wednesday, will be on the bench Saturday or in fact will start Saturday. Lol. In January the manager said he would be very busy, but the quality was just not there. Each summer our Arsenal CEO, Board and Management assure us they are assembling a squad so strong that Ibrahimovic, Ronaldo and Messi would not even make the bench. With world beaters like Ashavin, Chamakh, Park, Squillaci, Denilson, Bendtner, Miyaichi and Santos already driving our team to the brink of fourth place Cavani, Messi and Ronaldo will just have to wait. With Manager Wenger struggling with his zipper it is unlikely he will know how to unzip the warchest before 2027. It was just not meant to be.

deano

Well Dortmund are in the habit of flogging all there gold we should dash in and grab Reus or Hummels or preferably both.

Ugandan Gooner
Ugandan Gooner

Fuckin brilliant blogs.

kevin
kevin

someone needs to make an online form to make up the fake article.. would become a cool meme 😀

trackback

[…] Arseblog News haben eine Druckvorlage für Spielertransfers, die an Arsenal […]