Robson: I’m boring myself

161

Stewart Robson has launched an astonishing broadside at himself, claiming that he’s ‘destined to fail’, unless he gets some new material.

The former Arsenal and West Ham man has become widely known for his abrasive point of view when it comes to Arsene Wenger, with recent outbursts suggesting the Frenchman will simply waste Arsenal’s transfer funds.

Robson, now the go-to guy for Wenger criticism, lives in a small workman’s hut outside the Emirates Stadium, sharing the space with a small stray dog he mistreats and calls ‘Wengy’.

Robson spoke exclusively to Arseblog News, and seems aware he’s carving a niche it may be difficult to get out of.

“It struck me the other day,” he said, “when I was accusing a man who has a 30 year career in top flight management, who has won the double twice and guided a team through a season unbeaten, of not being able to coach players or have any idea what tactics were, that I might need a new schtick.

“What if I get typecast as the bitter old grump who only has one thing to say and goes on and on and on about it until people are sick of it?

“What if, by bleating like a sullen crank, any validity to some of the points I make is totally lost? I think I’ve got to change the record, but nobody has records any more, do they? And I’m such a Luddite I don’t know how to change the MP FREE or whatever it is the kids play.”

Robson appears on many broadcasting entities, such as TalkSport, TalkSpite, Kill Wenger FM, Zonal Barking – the blog for angry tacticians, and BBC World (available in 3* hotels across most of south-east Asia).

“I’ve got to find new stuff to say,” he said, revealing he’d be hiring US comedian Carlos Mencia to boost his portfolio of bitterness.

“To be honest though, I’m even boring the tits off myself at this point. Over the last few years some of the opinions that I’ve said were going to be world class haven’t ended up like that.

“I’ve regressed under myself.”

And with that he took himself back into his hut to drink tea from a horribly stained mug, nibbling all the while on a packet of stale Garibaldis, waiting for the next chance to criticise Wenger.

Or, who knows, himself.

Please note: this article is a spoof. Arseblog News did not speak to Stewart Robson. We don’t know where he lives or anything.
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epe

arseblog you try to hard to be funny

ThaatArsenalGuy

liking the subtle spelling correction there blogs. #winning

heh

by using the hashtag, you now are losing.

ThaatArsenalGuy

what? doesn’t twitter search the arseblog news comments section for current trending topics?

buckagh

just got to read blog, nice one arseblog made me smile

ITMA

Must try harder… 😉

Fon

He’s producing 2000 words, only on the blog, every day for the past 10 years. Of course he works hard, tonto!

BringBackSeaman

Except Christmas day, many a Christmas has been ruined by the hole that Arseblog fills the other 344 days of the year…

Slacker if you ask me :p

#imjokingbutletseewhoisgunnamissitbecuasetheyclearlyhavnojoyintheirlifeandmustlookforthenegativeineverythingtheydoandprobablyshouldsupportchelskiorspuds

BringBackSeaman

hmm I seem to be missing 12 days to my year….

Answers on the back of a post card please 🙂

BringBackSeaman

gah 21 days..

Stupid Keyboard and typing skills

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

You forgot that there are Twelve Days Of Christmas. That’s where they went…. on a 12 day holiday Binge/Boilk session. (*)

* which is a known cause of both lost memory and Festive Keyboard Dyslexia Syndrome.

_inzaghi_

epe, are you Stewart Robson in disguise??

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Can’t be. He didn’t criticise Wenger even once in his post.

kkc

why does Robson like to call himself epe?

maybe he was trying to spell Ape.

BringBackSeaman

Because Ape was taken by Bale

Jimmy No Neck

u r my hero Bringbackseaman

buckagh

another doomer epe????

Arsenalista

Ha ha ha …. Bullseye !

Fuck the bitter , cliche- ridden old has been

Dominic

He’s more of a never was than a has been

garyfootscrayaustralia

True, Robbo reflects the attitude of a guy that scored the consolation goal in a home league cup tie defeat.

hmmmdoughnuts

He’s a cunt.

Arsenalista

Robson that is 😉

Jackster

I don’t know how to put MP3s into the MP3 machine either

GarmentDistrict

*Related to Underpants Gnomes…

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

That’s not what they do to my shoes. I think my elves must be Forrin!!! Bet they don’t even play the golf during the daylight hours.

Modha

Brilliant, I am no Wenger apologist, but Robson comes across as nothing but a bitter man who blames the world for his ills.

MrKiuch

Hilarious.

Mooro

What happened to this bloke? I loved him as a player and he looked a proper one before he knackered his knee.

Maybe the surgeons used blood donated by John Terry’s Dad during his op.

Rad Carrot

Wait… I have a feeling this may be fake.

I can tell, having seen many fake interviews in my time.

DoubleDoubleDouble

No, it’s genuine…it has quotation marks and everything.

Expect to see it on goal.com later, as an exclusive.

Clockendrider

Not to mention the Daily Fail.

Paul

Whoever put thumbs down for the above (DDD and Clockendrider’s comments) please reveal your identity!

loose cannon

The funniest thing about this is that he might as well say the same thing as on the article, just might be off the record though after a binge drinking.

GoonerYorkshire

Robson you mad huh?!….Stay mad suckaa

ThaatArsenalGuy

His talking tactics piece on the arsenal website was pretty spot on, he probably had so many disciplinary meetings over his stating of the obvious.

That said, he’s lost all support by being such a bitter twerp since leaving/being sacked.

Eoin Fleming

Who the fuck is stewart robson?

Unyoke The Ox

A man who played for us occasionally in the 80’s. Ironically he was our Diaby (a player who he likes to criticise a lot) back then. And whose coaching career peaked at him being 1st team coach for Southend and then being assistant manager at Rushden and Diamonds.

JustAnotherMong

Ah… The diamonds, gone. No more.

Murg

Was this sourced from the same place that the Daily Mail get most of their transfer rumours from?

King Malta

I will give him one thing though, he has a magnificently shiny head.

Clockendrider

KM,
You give him that, I’ll give him the tin of polish. All we need now is a dirty rag.
Daily mail anyone?

NorthBankfc

Classic stuff, it made my piss boil this morning listening to his crap!
Mertersaker has gone backwards this year?
Idiot

Double98

Well he has gone backwards.. he is a defender… ocassionially he’ll go forwards and even side to side

Sir Gunner

You cheeky monkey Double98. This blog and these comments have made my day hilarious painful.

..I’m in stitches from laughing.

Blake

I can picture the man spending his whole summer watching recordings of 0-0s from the 70s and 80s. In all seriousness i would also love to be paid to criticize one man every day. Its every bitter mans dream.

Double98

Are you a bitter man Blake?

I am a stout man meself

Boblex

I Prefer Ale and the occasional whisky!
Man that guy has a shiny head!

Cele

What a fucking mong

Harish

Lol! Love it!! He has been increasingly bitter and it’s so refreshing to read this. I feel sorry for Wengy tho, poor lil mutt

davonz

The work mans hut is like the Tardis inside you know.

Clockendrider

So is Robsons head.
Mostly empty space.

Basil Tarmac

What an absolute shitehawk that Robson is. I bet Mr Bloggs would rather listen to a Genesis album in full

Brady7

Stevie Bould has been busy with his mother by the looks of him?

Zig

Brilliant stuff!
The best approach to Robson’s spite and hate is laughter. What a sorry so n so!

LMo

I find his rhetoric insightful and unbiased, and I must say he is a striking-looking potato/man
Note: This comment is a spoof, I have no inoffensive opinion on this cretin or his copy/paste remarks

Double98

Hold on, Is Stewart Robson not just a Katherine Tate character?

Are you winding me up?

He’s real?

Alf

How VERY dare you !!!

STEPHEN

IF ROBSON HAD A ICE CREAM IT WOULD MELT BE FOUR HE COULD GET ALL THE SHIT OUT OF IS MOUTH

JJ

Great line, Im gonna use that on somebody this afternoon and pretend I made it up Thank you. Robson is a prick.

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

He must have a big mouth. Shit’s been pouring out of there for years now

Jomo

We must not feed Stewart. He is a troll. Ignore him. He doesn’t deserve a whole article. This site is classy and represents everything great about arsenal. We mustn’t lower ourselves and engage on his level. We are the Arsenal

Mills

Thing is with Robson that he’s become so bitter in his viewpoint that people want to read what he says just to laugh at how deluded and bitter the bald headed muppet is. Problem with this though is that it keeps him in a job. Can’t win……… Unless someone snipers his ass!

Sigh

So you want someone assassinated because they dared to question Wenger’s motives, ambition and ability to build a winning squan once again.

Geesh, didn’t realize the brainwashing ran that deep in you sycophants. You need a shrink I think.

Sigh even more

And not questioning Wenger indicates brainwashing…?

Sigh

Yes

Jagger

Sigh fails to realise that questioning (in the sense used here) means the inquisitor has to intimately know the subject which is under discussion. Unless “Sigh” is actually a manager of international renown with many, many achievements in the concerned subject area, s/he has no right to “question” Wenger. Ask questions of him to understand and gain knowledge, sure but nothing more.

Sigh

So going by your logic the people should never question a politician due to their perceived greater knoweldge. You prefer to be a sheeple inother words. I don’t.

In relation to seeking greater knowledge, lets ask Wenger the following:

Why do you continue to persist with a fatally flawed and failed transfer policy?

Do you think that it is acceptable for a team who charges the highest prices and for a manager paid 7 million quid a year to assume the fans should simply be overjoyed with attaining the bare minimum?

Jagger

1. Politician remark is incorrect. Politicians themselves do not have the proper knowledge to plan and carry out policies that benefit society. A more appropriate analogy would be to refute a doctor’s diagnosis in favour of your own. Or an architect telling an engineer if a building will stand or not. 2. “fatally flawed… failed policy…’ – your opinion again. You do not know the variables that contributed to the current policy. If variables were made clear, then you might have to reassess those judgements to ‘necessary’ or ‘forced’? You are making lots of assumptions about the background running of… Read more »

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Neither you nor Stewart Robson are “questioning” Wenger’s motives. You are both attacking him while suggesting that you “know” his motives. As such you are not working for the improvement of Arsenal as a football team but merely attacking and undermining it, as is Stewart Robson. Your complaints on this blog serve no purpose but to annoy other Arsenal supporters, unless the act of complaining brings you personal gratification or satisfaction.

Joeos

Robson brings his great experience to his analysis:

Sacked by Wimbledon in 2001 after short spell as coach.
In 2003, employment terminated by Southend as first team coach after a short period.
In 2004 spent some time as assistant manager at Rushden & Diamonds before being removed in early 2005.

An inglorious career that qualifies him for Talksport.

Sigh

Ditto my “friend.” Ditto.

Sigh

And strange that you consider wishing someone death as being an acceptable comment. Interesting indeed,

jack jack jack

Look ‘Sigh’ (what sort of a boring cunt calls himself ‘Sigh’?), if you find the site boring just go and click on another site. It’s really not that fucking hard unless you have the IQ of some snot in a jar.

You’re boring the fuck out of all of us you boring old bollocks.

Sigh

Go to another site?

Well at least that can be considered somewhat progressive to the usual go and support another club rhetoric.

Are you maturing my little Wengerites?

DoubleDoubleDouble

You took ‘Unless someone snipers his ass’ as a serious comment about wanting Robson dead?

Err, okay…though technically, he only wanted his pet donkey assassinated.

Henners

Clearly was joking you absolute tool, anyone with the name ‘sigh’ is inevitably going to be a grumpy sod.

Sigh

Tool? Sod?

Is that you lot have got when it comes to someone now bowing to your POV or Wenger’s?

And I am the tool or sod?

How ironic…

DoubleDoubleDouble

There was nothing wrong with the use of either of those words, considering they are slang words used in the correct context.

Perhaps you’d prefer he used other terminology such as calling you a complete cock and a miserable twat?

Johnny Jensen's Bender

Sigh – I think you need to look up irony matey.

Its COINCIDENCE that you are in fact both a lump of earth and the implement used to recover said earth..

PS Robson needs to do one.. a large one… a large squishy, drain festered one.

Sigh

I am just suprised that you could spell irony.

Johnny Jensen's Bender

Pardon my English but LOL!

I can also spell other big words like douche and bag.

Alas, I won’t.

Jog on treacle.

Sigh

eally constructive there Bender, well done.

Now continue drinking, that Dutch courage won’t last long.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Sodding tool?

Double Canister

Irony alert.
Read the article again, and the spirt of the posts in response.

chrisleebowski

if i hear him say “they HAVE to earn the right to play” one more time, i might explode.

Javis

I think we should just get to the heart of it, Stewart Robson is a cunt.

Micko

I believe the story even if blogs says its not true because its him all over so it must be a real interview…

Robson your such a tit

Cyril Washbrook
Sigh

David Ornstein‏@bbcsport_david24m
Fellaini camp, #efc & #afc all deny release clause met. Arsenal not in for Rooney or Cesar. Jovetic on radar but not near top #bbcsportsday

There it is. All lies and nonsense from the Arsenal FC. Just get ready for the signings of Sangogo, Mitrovic and that 19 year old 5million quid German.

Super duper, top, top qwalitee once again!!

Cyril Washbrook

What’s all this about “lies”? Arsenal has never stated that it met Fellaini’s release clause. It has never stated that it was “in” for Rooney. It has never stated that it was “in” for Cesar. It has never stated that it was “in” for Jovetic.

The problem seems to lie in your perception that every quixotic rumour on Twitter and every sensational newspaper article is gospel truth. Stop treating Goal.com as though Wayne Veysey was on the blower to Wenger about transfers every afternoon, and just relax. The league season ended less than three weeks ago, for goodness sake.

Sigh

The league did end recently.

And yet other teams have found the gumption, desire and ambition as confirmed by their new signings.

Not saying we should have signed those players, but those clubs noted the need to address their identified deficiencies and acted.

Arsenal?

Sigh

And yet, once again, other teams have made moves to address what they sey as their needs to be successful in the upcoming season and beyond. One would think with the managerial instability, that some on here cite as being to Arsenal’s advantage, that the club would be the first in to sign players before these clubs “find” stability and start scooping up the best talent. Not even a single BID has been reported as of yet. So yes lets wait till all of our so called “rivals” get settled and then under bid for actual quality and then when… Read more »

Long Dong Silver

Arsenal have not announced any signings. Is that bad business practice or would you rather have another Mata situation?

Johnny Jensen's Bender

‘other teams have made moves to address what they sey as their needs to be successful…’ *say

Indeed Shiteh have spunked a load of money on two mediocre players.

No one else has bought anyone.

Pull your head out of Goal.coms arse.

Sigh

I will do that once you get yours out of Arsene’s rectum…and don’t forget your tongue;)

Merlin's Panini

Chill out a bit ‘Sigh’. You’re seriously bummin people out. Look, no one is saying Wenger is right all the time or immune to criticism, but when you look at things properly, he’s been competing for a long time now with clubs who have had bottomless pits full of money for the Premier League/Champions League, net-spent probably not even half as much as our dirty neighbours down the road in that time (and kept us above them every year) and is only just now going to get the chance to really use the financial clout of the club. Give the… Read more »

Johnny Jensen's Bender

Really constructive there Sigh, well done.

Now continue drinking, that Dutch courage won’t last long.

Sigh

And some how in your deluded fantasy world you believe your’e “pull your head out” comment was constructive?

Deluded and hypocritical. A dangerous combination.

Cyril Washbrook

Which big clubs have been signing players? Man City and Monaco. What is the common thread linking Man City and Monaco? They’re cashed-up clubs willing to pay ridiculous prices and ridiculous wages.

Fact is, it’s a lot easier to get deals done quickly when you’re prepared to pay “name-your-price” transfer fees and wages than it is if you’re trying to be even slightly sensible with your money.

For the rest of us, there are nearly three full months to go until the transfer window ends. In fact, the transfer window doesn’t officially *open* for another three and a half weeks.

davonz

Slightly off topic but does anyone know the details of Denilsons contract termination. So far its a net 21 million pound loss. Not the greatest example of financial sustainability one would have thought.

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

Wayne Bridge has only just left Man City. If we lost 21 million pounds to Denilson, I can’t imagine what Bridge drained off City.

davonz

Citeh can afford to write off 210 million pound losses and some.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

How do you work out that figure of 21 million? Are you using his full wages plus bonuses paid for the entire duration of his Arsenal career? Have you removed the weeks of pay he receives during the off-season. Those wages must be paid regardless of his achievements for the team as they are a lawful requirement that we pay when the player is not playing. Perhaps you only included those weeks of off-season pay where you have evidence that he failed to turn up for training? Have you removed weeks of pay for those weeks in which he did… Read more »

Mills

@Sigh

Have Arsenal FCC actually made ANY announcement regarding any of these players you tit?! If none of them are true then blame the media, agents, and the clubs the player are playing for cos they’re the ones creating the stories.

arse_jackeen

Why is Dubs in that photo?

Chris

Its Wengy I feel sorry for..

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Eeugh! Wengy! What an awful nickname. He needs a decent one like we give people here in Australia. He should be a Wengo not a Wengy.

(You may also have been told he should be an Arso rather than an Arsey, but I don’t favour either of those, though I can’t quite put my finger on why)

Mills

@sigh

Nothing to do with brainwashing, more to do with the completed biased bitter drivel he comes out with everytime he speaks

Leon

It bored me having to read how Robson bores himself – that is how boring it is..

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

You boring bastard!

safety

I thought he was alright as a player. See, I’d be shit at his job

Midfield Corporal

Stewart Robsons rant on Talksport this morning would have been funny but for the idiot presenters inability to actually challenge any of the points he raised. He claimed AW had said he’d make Denilson, Eboue, Bendtner plus numerous other world class players, I’d like him to clarify when he has said this. Arsene has his faults, but you have to be a complete idiot not to acknowledge that he has done a sterling job in guiding us through the stadium move. There were occasions when we could have done better (2008 & 2011 title run ins) but we could just… Read more »

Merlin's Panini

a voice of reason. Well said.

Gandalf's Kebab

Perhaps, in some small way, we are all Stuart Robson. A harrowing tale.

davonz

Not sure what’s worse Robson’s constant criticism of Arsenal or Arsenal supporters constant criticism of Robson. Harrowing life of a frustrated football supporter 🙂

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

If we are all Stewart Robsons then he must become Stewrat Robson so we can tell which of us he is.

Mills

@midfield corporal

I think it’s fair to expect TalkSport not to challange anything that’s negative when it comes to arsenal. If it was about Utd on the other hand you can be sure they’d be uproar. I’m sure TalkSport’s main sponsor is Utd.

Peach

I like Stewart Robson. The only ex-Gunner who doesn’t have his tongue in Wenger’s arsehole. Sure he sounds bitter, probably too bitter, but the fact is, almost everything he says is completely right.

Making fun of him is the coward’s way of trying to invalidate what he’s saying.

Peach

Yeah, like I said, a caricature for people with their tongue up Wenger’s arse who want to invalidate what he’s saying. For many other Arsenal fans Robson talks a whole heap of common sense.

Robson has a motive for sure, but then so do you – a motive to make money out of Arsenal fans by always going with the majority view. You’re a cowardly blogger, which is unfortunate because you have a good sense of humour and speak sitting on the fence very well.

Sigh

“Making fun of him is the coward’s way of trying to invalidate what he’s saying.”

This approach is endemic on this site nowadays.

Long Dong Silver

‘This approach is endemic on this site nowadays.’

Yeah, the good old days when Sigh used to call the shots. When we rambled on for hours about lack of ambition and how far we’ve fallen… Times were so much better.

Ah, the good old days.

eleanor

“Making fun of him is the coward’s way of trying to invalidate what he’s saying.”

Yeah, which ranks Arseblog right up there with literary history’s other notable cowards … Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Voltaire, Beckett, Juvenal and Aristophanes (to name a few).

The Ox, The Ram, Willy and Wally

Ha. The comments on the article on TalkShite are all ‘Robson is a cunt’ ‘Robson doesn’t know what he’s talking about’ ‘Robson is bitter’..

There is one comment that agrees with Robson, from a guy who goes on to say that ‘Everton and Liverpool could match Arsenal next season’ (how many times have we heard that before each season).

Unsurprisingly, the guy who made this comment is a talksport ‘top commenter’.

What an absolutely shite website.

Bolando

Robson is a cunt on a radio station jam packed with them

Double98

I wonder does he still feed on his mother’s breast milk – he has been sucking on the Arsenal teat for over 30 years…

———
get off the boob stewart

Figuratively and literally
Signed
old Ma Robson

Tapscotts testicles

Stewart Robson…….Adrian Durhams latest bitch at Talkshite, expect him to replace tha’s Goughie any time soon…..!

Mike Walsh

See this tit regularly at the home games, always looks pissed off when we win, while on the topic of these miserable ex-players whose only claim to fame is that they once wore our shirt, Alan Smith is another horrible person who loves to run the club down whenever anyone will listen to his boring voice, had the chance to let him know this at one home game, he looked suitably shocked as he thought I wanted his autograph. Piss these sods off if you see them at the games and they might just stay away

Long Dong Silver

I don’t think he should be insulted in public just because he has a negative view of the club. He seems like a harmless little chode anyway and he did score one of the goals in that win over Cesspool.

Long Dong Silver

By the way, I don’t think i could bring myself to insult him in public as he does seem to be a soft spoken bloke and nice guy (at least on TV) unlike that fuckbiscuit Paul Merson.

davonz

Have to say Blogs this was not one of your better articles. Good topic but seemed like you raced this article off while you were changing trains at Euston. You can do better my man. Its all about improvement this season remember 🙂

Arsene's Zip

It isn’t just Wenger he bashes.. This morning on Sports Witnesses Twitter: “Stewart Robson “Nacho Monreal hasn’t been a good signing.” #afc – That’s really giving the lad a chance.”

What… an… idiot.

Merlin's Panini

Yeh, where did that one come from? Monreal was a really decent signing! We have two fantastic left backs now. The man is utterly clueless.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

He makes it up as he goes along. Anything to punish the club for the way cruel Arsenal treated him.