Friday, October 7, 2022

Report: Vietnam 1-7 Arsenal

Arsenal scored another comprehensive pre-season win with a 7-1 win over Vietnam in the sweltering heat this afternoon. Arsene Wenger started with an XI of:

Szczesny – Jenkinson – Sagna – Koscielny – Gibbs – Arteta – Rosicky – Oxlade-Chamberlain – Gnabry – Podolski – Giroud

And the Gunners took an early lead when Giroud twatted home a delicious Rosicky pass in the 5th minute, and the Frenchman almost double the lead, and his tally, when he wombatted a 30 yard fizzer just wide of the post.

Vietnam looked better than Indonesia but that’s a bit like saying a shaven scrotum looks better than one with some gnarled, crusty pubes on it. One of their blokes spannered a shot wide in the 27th minute but Szczesny remained untroubled.

Shortly afterwards Lukas Podolski bamboozled his way through the Vietnam defence, but was so impressive Giroud was standing in quiet admiration rather than anticipating the pass which would have given him a tap-in.

Bacary Sagna head-bashed away a Vietnam free kick before getting in a good foot-cruncher as the home side found some space behind the Arsenal defence. Another one of their blokes glubbered a shot from distance over bar before Mikel Arteta returned the favour with a 30 yard free kick.

Lukas Podolski then seal-clubbed a shot against the post and Vietnam keeper, Duong Hong Son, made a smart save from Serge Gnabry’s rebound effort.

Just before half-time Giroud doubled Arsenal’s lead, running on to a poor Vietnam clearance and flibnobbing a first time shot just inside the post. And just moments later the HFB made it 3-0 after a great Oxlade-Chamberlain pass put him through on goal and he deftly tallywhacked it over the keeper and into the net.

Arsenal made a raft of changes at half-time and got the second half off to a great start when Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain made it 4-0, latching onto a Walcott pass and cribswobbling home for his first goal of pre-season.

Chuba Akpom scored twice in couple of minutes to make it 5, then 6-0, the youngster taking his goal tally for the tour to three, and fellow strapling Gedion Zelalem catching the eye with some sumptuous passing.

Jack Wilshere was brought on for his first action of pre-season as Arsene Wenger also gave run-outs to Olsson, Aneke, keeper Damian Martinez.

Ignasi Miquel, linked today with a move to Real Sociedad, mashed home Arsenal’s 7th in the 75th minute, before the home side got a rather fortuitous goal which was greeted with rapturous applause by the home crowd.

Martinez was forced into a great save, finger-snatching away a powerful Vietnam free kick which was swerving like a Twitter ITK called out on their bullshit.

Vietnam then had their goalkeeper sent off for handling the ball outside the area, with one of the outfield players grabbing the gloves and going in nets like a schoolyard game. Why the ref couldn’t have left him on with just 2 minutes to go is a good question, but, you know, refs.

There was a slight worry as Aaron Ramsey left the pitch before the final whistle, hopefully nothing serious.

The game finished in a tropical rainstorm, but the sun was shining in Arsenal hearts as appalling metaphors concluded this report.

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Again this tour is all for money. Its not good preperation for the beginning of the season, a lot of travelling and your jet lagged and the competition is of a very low quality.

It will be a big jump in quality after this tour and it will be a bit of a shock for the players when they start playing premier league opposition believe me.


Come on you know im right its already been discussed. Asia is a untapped market that we are trying to buy ourselves into. i heard just touring alone we will be getting a lot of money. Now theres nothing wrong with this tour for trying to build our world wide fan base but the point im making is that touring in Asia wont be as benefical for our preperation for the start of the premier league season, which annoys me cause this season is arguebale our most important for a long time, beating teams in Asia 8-0 and 7-1 is… Read more »


Try get your facts right before you put a case to the jury


Dude the point of preseason is 90% fitness and 10% team cohesion, which matches like this accomplish just fine. Getting it done in new markets is good business.

Also, and this is just a rejoinder, but it’s probably good for the boys to see a bit of Vietnam. Bring ’em down to earth, you know?

Rad Carrot

It IS good for our preparation. They’re not just playing matches, they’re training hard in tough conditions and having a good run around. They’re also bonding together as a unit, which is vitally important.

We play tougher competition in both the Emirates cup and the (gulp) CL qualifier, which will stand us in good stead for the start of the league in a month.

The money side of it is also massively important. salford are massive in some areas around the globe and it benefits them enormously, why can’t we do the same?

Dark Stein

Course touring Asia has its benefits. The heat over there for one. it’s humid as hell, training in those conditions is a good wake up call to the body. Besides why would you want to jump straight into a game against Prem League opposition in pre-season? You want to build up to it. We’ve got Man Citeh and the Emirates cup, they’ll be good chanllenges.

DL Gooner

The man in the black pajamas…..a worthy fucking adversary!


clearly an ITK source here this jason fella, although i’d make the point that playing under testing circumstances such as the heat is excellent preperation not to mention it allows Arsen to look at our youth and cast a glance at Sagna in C.B again, all in all i have no issues with Asia tour at all and suspect you’re just another malcontent impotent spud


Presumably you long for the pre-season days of playing Bad Burgerland and what not in Austria’s 8th-tier league?

You seem worried by what other clubs are doing. There are other clubs in Asia. United were beaten by a third-rate Chinese team, for instance.


You got to be some sort of cunt ain’t you? Criticism can be necessary sometimes but fuck right off at present you cock


Actually this pre-season is quite well planned compared to the past. Vietnam/Indonesia –> J-League –> Napoli/Galatasary (Emirates Cup) –> Man City (friendly) are all reasonable jumps in quality from each other. And anyway, we kick off our season against Aston Villa, who are quite shit hahaha


Not to forget that seeing all those fans reminds the players what a privilege it is to wear the Arsenal shirt.

Dr Baptiste

“It will be a big jump in quality after this tour and it will be a bit of a shock for the players when they start playing premier league opposition believe me” unlike last season when we played in Blue Square South?

RC Motors

Surely the fact that they got game time in what appears to be extremely hot and humid conditions could not have done their fitness any harm. And surely seeing hordes and hordes of arsenal fans would have done their morale a load of good. Not an entirely useless excercise IMO.


Flibnobbing a shot is the best way to score

Merlin's Panini

Blogs, I’m going to expect the wonderful made up words for every type of shot now. I agree it was an absolute flibnobber of a strike!


I have been reading Mr. Blogs for years now but just cannot figure out how he has arrived at “flibnobbing”


Re: cribswobbling – I need a little clarity. Is it pronounced ‘cribs wobbling’ or ‘crib swobbling’? Please enlighten…


Is a flibnobbing similar to what Gallas did? a.k.a a helmet header


I would argue that seal-clubbing a shot is superior in every conceivable way!

I work in an office and when I read that I actually let out a “HA” and people looked at me quizzically


At 1:50am? You poor bugger


Lol it’s 1:50am your time. For me it was around 11am or something, I was at work.

Unless that’s what you were referring to when you said poor bugger haha


Hope to see more of Zelalem. Keshi put an eye out for Akpom


Zelalem looks class when he has the ball. I think what will determine his future is how good he is off it.


zelalem was, dare i say it, cesc-esque


Ditto Gnabry. Looks smart, dangerous.


Whereas Saurez looks stupid and dangerous. Or stupidly dangerous.


woahh Gedi Gedi….


I know you cant really read too much into friendlies but I think Miquel is ready for premier league football, no need to loan him out


What a colorful vocab in this post Blogs, and even better when you realize it’s just in 1 minute after the game. What a miracle work..

On another note, Zelalem is magnificent again. His performance is even better than the one again Indonesia, I particularly like both of his pass to Walcott, which is superb although not end up to be a goal. It’s just that he seems to focus to passing that he became reluctant to shoot. Hope he will learn more in the next game.

Emannuel Eboue

was swerving like a Twitter ITK called out on their bullshit. Perfect. More of this through the season please, Mr Blogs.

May I suggest the ball begged to be hit like Four Four whatever’s Sulia link or a plea for an RT or a favourite or retweet poll etc and so on.


This article made me laugh way too much, flibnobbing was a personal favourite.

Henry's beard

Not wishing to overhype the kid or anything, but Zelalem… he’s a bit fucking special isn’t he?

Thanis Lim

Walcott has got to learn to take his chances well. He’s taken quite a lot of shots and failed to score. Perhaps it’s the lack of match fitness – but being this wasteful will not do well for our campaign.


If there’s any thing you can say about Theo these days, it’s: “he takes his chances well”


depends what you mean by these days, because you certainly couldn’t say that of him today. maybe when he’s going through a consistent patch


Hahahaha. Loving the adjectives:)


Er, verbs.
E.g: I wombat. Thou wombatest. You wombat. He wombats. They wombat. We all wombat.

Thus, in the phrase; “he wombatted a 30 yard fizzer”, “wombatted” is the action made by the actor “he” on the object (or noun) “fizzer”.
The adjective there is the more prosaic “30 yard” as that describes what sort of fizzer it was.

I used to go out with an English teacher. Unfortunately we broke up, as she disliked my improper use of the colon…..


yh you sound a bit anal 😀

twisted cuntloks

I used to go out with an English teacher. Unfortunately we broke up, as she disliked my improper use of the colon…..

what a load of crap

twisted cuntloks

I thought it was one of my better jokes!


Ahem. They’re verbs actually but yeah…


So 7 goals and not one of them blunderbussed, flibbertyjibberted or absolutelycunted into the net.

Wenger out.

Hoosier Gunner

“swerving like a Twitter ITK called out on their bullshit.”

That was one heck of a simile there! Great job there, Blogs.


O little man called Ze-za-lem,
You play with such disguise.
Great weight of pass; you’re feet are so fast,
And you like to give the eyes

Rambling Pete

Decent performance, good win, the opposition weren’t up to much. Still, all you can do is beat the teams in front of you. I remember when I played for my Sunday League team we had a manager who said just that. ‘Don’t worry about how good or bad they are win you win’, and it does help to keep you focused. I remember one game, against the team bottom of the league, we were really struggling, 1-0 down with about 15 minutes to go and a dog ran on the pitch. After the game the dog was still running around… Read more »


I love your stories. Even though this one is sad.


that was my fucking dog!


What you did with it before you lost it is your business. I wouldn’t advertise it though.


nothing to be ashamed of, we were both perfectly happy and fulfilled by the relationship

ack ack ack

awww chester. good story. now if we can only get some sympathetic bloke to take bendtner home for… the next decade.


Please don’t use tallywhacked in the same paragraph as Giroud. It gets me hotter and sweatier than I already am. I reckon HFB has a huge HFP


And the pervs come out to play, Blogs included

Eboues Hairbrush

That one made me laugh so hard I flobbernobbed my phone on the floor.


Best match review ever, this and the chunderwhomping comments so far……


John Terry is a flibnobber.

Dr Baptiste

take away the flib and it still works

[…] thump ASIAVietnam fan meets Arsenal team after pursuing their busBBC NewsReport: Vietnam 1-7 ArsenalArseblog News (blog)Sports Mole -The Guardianall 62 news […]


zalalem looks better than wilshere. the guy is going to be in arsenal for the next 10 years

Merlin's Panini

I reckon the Vietnam goal was a bit of a lumpwangler myself.

Dr Baptiste

We conceded a goal?! Right! Arsene and Ivan need to sign a whole new back four and ‘keeper or both out.

ack ack ack

wouldn’t mind if we signed a CB & a keeper, though.


I don’t see the need for another keeper at all, Sir Chesney is doing great and I would be happy to see him spend his career with us, fabianksi is a handy 2nd choice as he showed us last season. Another CB would be nice though

Indonesian Gooner

Defence is still sh*t. Can’t even keep a cleansheet vs bunch of jokers? What is wenger playing at? Bring on suarez!


sarcasm is not our strong point, as the relentless jollyrogering your comment received should indicate


Highlights anywhere?


its stewart robson so so might wanna mute …


arsenal player mate, everything is free at the moment. also you can watch the whole match the minute it finishes live


I can only apologise for my filthy mind and my previous sordid comment. Olivier can make a man have funny thoughts y’know.

Hopefully this justification will make even the most homophopic amongst you, whack my thumbs-up at the bottom.


Upside.Giroud scored three very tidy goals.
Downside.Wenger will probly decide we now dont need to sign a new striker.

Upside.Sagna looked pretty good at centre back.
Downside.Wenger will now probably conclde we have enough strength in that department.

Upside,Martinez made a half decent save from a free kick.
Downside.Wenger will no doubt say we are well covered in the goal keeping position.

ack ack ack

sideways – no one, including wenger, will (or should, at least) actually be reading meaningfully into these preseason performances. they’re a warmup, a runout. maybe his ears will perk up if one of the youngsters shows some star qualities, but that’s about it. everyone calm down.


Did you see Wenger smile after Giroud’s second goal vs Indonesian Dream Team? It was a smile of a man who has just decided to hide 70 million pounds in his socket. And yes, it’s a big socket.


Upside: We win the league this season …
Downside: Wenger might sign a new contract!! Nightmare!!!!!

Better hope we don’t sign any players if that’s gonna make the above scenario more likely. And hope the ones Wenger has signed have a shocker! Arghhhhh so confused!!! Arsenal till I die! Wenger out!! brain hurts

Merlin's Panini

If we win the league this season surely it would be a good thing that Wenger signs a new contract?


Completely agree. How could we POSSIBLY give Wenger a new contract if he goes and wins a trophy.


7-1?We’re going backwards on this tour,Wagner out!

The '92 Away Kit

Anyone know whats happening with Frimpong? Didnt know if hes out of favour, out of contract, injured again or just too damn dench for pre-season…


injured, according to his twitter at least

No link to goals video?

Urgh. Now I have to give oxygen to that loathable “Lady Arse” website. NOOOOOOO


Have you ever visited

Did I inspire your Tallywacking?

Seal clubbed was my favourite.


This is why i love this site.. all the comments are just pure class…


Bendtner could also get a hatrick. Isnt he tgstel?


“One of their blokes”

I lost it at that one haha

[…] left Vietnam last night having dispensed another seven goal spanking in the friendly game against the national […]

Mertesacker's Houseboy

Here’s to more flibnobbing, tallywacking, wombatting, and seal clubbing for the new season!


The use of elevated languages here made me thunderstrucked and made my mouth wide agape. I dumped my football-yeaning mind and tame my cerebrum to the newly surfacing words in the English world!
Thumb up blogs.

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