Wenger using revolutionary new app to find striker

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Arsenal’s search for a striker is well known, and Arsene Wenger, ever-willing to embrace the modern world, is using a brand new app to help him find a new front man.

Arseblog News can reveal that the Frenchman has downloaded ‘Strikr‘ – a new Tinder-style app, created by one of the world’s biggest football agencies.

The ‘game’, open to all professional managers and footballers, looks to take the hassle out of the arduous transfer negotiation process.

After outlining what they’re looking for on their profile and selecting pictures  – often including pouty gym selfies, snaps of sedated tigers, quotes from Marilyn Monroe – participants can indicate whether or not they ‘like’ each other with a simple right-swipe on their smart phone.

Wenger is understood to be so enamoured by the app that he often finds himself spending his lunch break at London Colney vigorously ploughing the transfer market. Ivan Gazidis and Dick Law have also set up profiles, although the latter’s name has seen him repeatedly marked as a possible spam account.

Let’s hope this app delivers the happy ending we’ve all been waiting for.

Click any image to run through the candidates in gallery style.

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dazzlo

Ha. That was hilarious. TGSTEL for me.

mkpkelly

I am swiping right on TGSTEL

Cyclops

No Salomon Kalou? This is an outrage.

Sir Olivia Giroo

Nicholas Obviously .. it aint even a competition if the lord is init

Lone Star Gunner

I swiped right on all of them. We’ll let Stan worry about the transfer budget.

Third Plebeian

Julio Baptista was the first player for whom I used the phrase, “a youtube compilation can make anyone look good.”

Ben

YouTube made him look like the best player I’d ever seen. And then I saw him actually play a full game.

Woolwich Peripatetic

Very much a two-touch player cast into a one-touch league. I’ve never seen such a big guy shy away from the physical side of the game so much, even Diaby would get stuck in, though he knew he’d probably get injured in the process. 🙁

David C

he did score 5 in a game while missing a penalty once…

Dexterbear

They say the exception proves the rule and the exception to that rule is yaya sanogo.

N16gooner

Phew, thought for a moment that Nicklas had been missed out.

DACatHome

Is the Beast still only 34?

Third Plebeian

Actually, he’s 29.

GL

If he’s closer to 35, I beleive you round it up

'Murica

My girlfriend wants to download this so she can try to match with Giroud.

rmpauden

Good grief, if u have no news publish nothing, this nonsense os getting tedious

Smart-Arse

Yet you took time out of your busy schedule to post a negative comment

'Murica

Posting = Caring.

rmpauden

Well i did take time oit of my busy schedule to read that shite..so.it wasn.t much of a push to leave my opinion…same.like u really

hashtag

Park? Is that you?

Smudger

Might I suggest taking some time out of your busy schedule for some lessons on how to use punctuation?

Mpls

Beg to differ. I for one like the nonsense nonsense just as much as the real nonsense.

Ahem

Your life threatening problem can be solved reading something people call ‘ the heading’

Double98

i will,

can I have it in the form of a credit note to offset against future articles.?

Burger

You are hearby entitled to one (1) free super serious article, redeemable at a time of your choosing*.

Not available on Public holidays, gamedays, weekends, weekdays

Mega

If such articles weed out the humourless and stop them posting in future, then all the better

Viva la Prof

No ones home might crack one out for TGSTEL

Petits Handbag

Think Mauro would compete with Oliver for mirror time

hg

Funny but you celebrate 5 years with a fake story? 😛

Super Joshi

#cajones

Buda

I dont care who you are thats some funny shit right there!

Trez

I want a real world class striker…not some project. Just hope we’re not stuck with Giroud

David C

I really hope we’re not stuck with our top goal scorer. That would be terrible.

Trez

Yeah, it’d would be GREAT to be stuck with our top goal scorer who went 15 games without scoring. What would we ever do without Oliver Giroud?

Dan Hunter

That’s not really saying much is it

orion

In all seriousness, I would love to see something like this implemented as a companion app to Football Manager.

Chimichanga Monreal (cuz that's way more fun to say)

Is it just me or does Higuan look just like Flamini in that pic? Well, minus the sleeves, pointing and yelling…

i was initially thinking this
http://giphy.com/gifs/movie-james-bond-success-LWVn0cCgpRt8Q

but now that you mention

Dazzy

In the off-season it’s like every day is April fools day on arseblog news.
Not complaining, I enjoy the lols.

GoonerN16

@Trez. Gimme,gimme,gimme…..

Indian Gooner

Haha..loved the Dick Law involved pun!

Rcb

Where is Chamakh?

Neil #2

Hilarious! Though to be honest, I was hoping for one more player (either striker or central def) before Euros. Doubt we’ll see anything until late July at earliest now.

Whaaaat

This article made my day.

Mr.

HAHA! Its hilarious! Keep them coming Arseblog. And a very Happy 5th Year Anniversary to you!

AusDrexler

I would of that Theo would be all over it. Claims to be a striker.

100EyedGiant

Evidently no actual news to report!

Cliff Bastin

Who’s the one in the arsenal shirt? He looks good let’s get him.

Russ99

Awesome! Park and Bentner made the milk I was drinking come out my nose.

Arsetronomy

Zlatan is ugly as fuck!

Pachvasilion

You don’t really need an app to find a new striker.

Just call Zlatan’s agent, ask him what kind of wage he’s looking for, and for how long, and agree to pay it.

Problem sorted.

Gooners & Roses

I think the app is legit. We hardlyy linked to any of them before.

uncle D

Haaaaaaay!!! Thought they said it had Neymar on it?!! Reap off…

Joel J

This has got to be the best post i’ve read this month. Together with the Mert changing number to a bee. Long may this blog last, hihi

Kaine

Would love me some ibra, sign him and make a statement the world cannot ignore. Great for shirt sales, great for winning mentality, great for development and guaranteed goals to boot.
No Brainer for me

Arsepedant

35 years old, never played in a league with more than three teams in it, never played in a league without a winter break, likely to require 300K per week in wages. No thanks.

jitjian

Park Chu Young was a master touch for the article..

Mark

Dick Law as a spam account. Blogs, you made my day.

emmanuel

Comment:I’m rather constrained to use this medium to comment on a different topic because I feel really irked by the numerous reports about the possibility of bellerin transferring to Barcelona this summer. so, it means that whenever barca cough arsenal must catch cold! so, because it is confirmed that alves is leaving barca for juventus and the club would like to replace him with no other than bellerin arsenal and its supporters must shiver for the fear of losing him. I think this is nonsense because belerin is not a free agent but an arsenal player who is under a… Read more »

gunn cabinet

I actually expected to see the name God on that Zlatan guy. I guess Zlatan is Strikrish for God, no…?

David O

I’ve the app and the first player I see good for arsenal is Morata because others like Messi are not yet on market

Arsepedant

There is a rumour floating about that Lewandowski has agreed a transfer to Real Madrid.

https://sports.yahoo.com/news/bayern-munich-ace-agrees-real-151855186.html

The source (Gazetta della Sport) doesn’t strike me as particularly reliable. However, the rumour does raise some interesting possibilities. With Lewandowski up front, Real won’t have much need of any of Benzema, Rodriguez, or Morata, and they’d have to sell at least two of those three to finance the move. Is this an opportunity for us to swoop?

Nine poos out of ten for the rumour, though. I can’t see it being real.

Pachvasilion

No more real than that random report that has US linked with Lewandowski, anyway.

Bayern will not sell him, not even to Real.

Z

Very funny News, loved it!

Gabe

Am suing, I designed this app, and my name didnt even get a mention. Arsenal, Blogs, expect a call from my lawyers.