Thursday, December 1, 2022

Report: Arsenal eye elbowy, fuzzy haired Belgian clogger

According to various sources, Arsenal are set to talk to Marouane Fellaini’s representatives in a late bid to lure the Belgian to the Emirates on a free transfer.

The lanky midfielder, 30, will be a free agent in the coming weeks when his current Manchester United deal comes to an end.

He’s so far rebuffed their offer of a one-year contract extension and had been heavily tipped to join AC Milan, who reportedly tabled a three-year deal.

Arsenal were heavily linked with Fellaini before he moved to Old Trafford in a deal worth £27.5 million.

“I will not reveal the details, but Arsenal wanted me this summer,” he said in September 2013, not long after joining the David Moyes revolution. LOL. Arsenal went on to sign Mesut Ozil instead.

We’ve no idea if there’s any truth in this rumour and honestly, we’re not exactly drooling at the prospect of Fellaini joining us.

Some reports seem to be claiming that Unai Emery is a fan – he apparently tried to lure him to PSG – and we guess, if there’s a positive, it would stop him from scoring last minute winners against us for United.

The Gunners are also still on the trail of Stephan Lichtsteiner, Sokratis [insert surname here] and PSG youngster Yacine Adli. 

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Ya gooner

*Michael Scott meme

Nooo nooo oh god nooo


Who else are we eyeing….Andy Caroll??


Signing fellaini would be an absolute joke. Since when were we broke that we need all those free signings? Only thing fellaini is good for is winning long balls, which is the furthest thing from what arsenal is about.


It would make sense if we had to finance buying 2 of the top strikers in Europe…
But we’ve already done that so aside from buying neymar or bale I don’t think there is another 100m winger available.

Mayor McCheese

I assume the real joke here is the rumor itself. Fellaini’s agent is ‘leaking’ interest in the hopes of drumming up actual interest.

Michael Bolton Wanderers

I really really really hope you’re right mayor

David Hillier's luggage

I don’t actually think we’re in for him, but 2 seasons without Champions League and no major assets to flog means free/cheap deals may well be the order of the day 🙁

The 12th Pin.

Oh gosh. Does anyone think they could be planning to seel Ramsey replace him with Fellaini and use the profits elsewhere?
Then wait for Adli/Iwobi/AMN/Nelson to be ready to fill this spot?

The 12th Pin.

The point is, I hope this is not what is being planned!


I’m now 100% sure that we are linked with EVERY player that is a free agent


i am not sure what to make of these transfer stories . on one hand we look like we are buying all the cheap stuff in the market but its clear that they are buying a certain group of player that have nastiness and leadership amoung them. At the end it could just work out. we have a good squad of talented players and they are old and not that talented but still efficient and the kind of players we need to make a team with winning mentality. it could just be a match made in heaven . still waiting… Read more »

Prof Wenger to Emerytus

Plus we haven’t signed anybody yet. I used to think it was Wenger’s way. I now realize it is the Arsenal way.

Faisal Narrage

Season finished a few weeks ago. Have some patience FFS.


It’s a shame that our rivals aren’t showing any patience


Don’t worry about who we are linked to or who everyone else is signing, take a chill pill and watch the World Cup, we will be 100% ready come the first game of the season.


Or over the age of 354


It would ne nice to sign someone after all of these stories but not him please!


I’d rather we sign John Terry.


Thanks for restoring my perspective, thanks.


No problem ?


You should be sending your invoice


Lets not tempt fate

Thierry Bergkamp

No you don’t

Mayor McCheese

Not John Terry, but we have needed players with a bit of c*ntery about them, and Fellaini absolutely fits that bill!

Bould's Eyeliner

The problem is that he fits it too well.


The problem is he is Fellaini.


John Terry is too much cuntery. Far too much.


Hardly surprising. The word itself is, of course, a contraction of “cunt” and “terry”.

Prof Wenger to Emerytus

Anthony, your sense of contrast is awful.


Too far.


Are we to challenge the ludicrous summer of Park, Santos and Benayoun? If this speaks to the ambitions of this new Arsenal than we are trule screwed.


Benayoun was quality, but I get what you’re saying. I only hope all these cheap options are so we can splash out on some real quality in midfield.

Hard to see where this big fucking lump fits in though – a bit worrying if true.


Also…It has to be said that if we were linked to any of the players we have been linked to this past 2 months amd wenger was still the manager, he would have been ridiculed for them! This would be up there with sylvestre for “worst signing from united.” I, and most of us here and on social media, can not imagine this man anywhere near our line up, meaning it’s definately going to happen.


or at the very least, very likely to happen.


Have not heard something this sad for a long time


What the actual f*@k !?!


File this in the “underwhelming news” category!

Big Mad Andy

This is bullshit! *Kicks bathroom door in*

Coq au Vin

Then shoots wife and puts leg back on.

Coq au Vin



That was Hans you jizzcock




First summer that we’re not linked with James Milner and now I’ve got this to give me nightmares

David C

we’ve been linked with James Milner? I would take him in a heartbeat. Are you sure you didn’t mean Salomon Kalou? Christopher Samba, maybe?

Michael Bolton Wanderers

Since we’re nostalgic, remember gourcuff.

Iwobi's sock suspenders

oh God please no


Sensing a trend developing here.



Interesting, would that trend be taking the best talents available on a free basis ? Because Yaya Toure is also free and if we add these two guys, our midfield would suddenly become solid and with different options.


I wouldn’t say solid. I wouldn’t turn down toure. He would take santi’s spot(I’d rather santi but still)
But as strogg as feliani is physically he isn’t a dm.

Mayor McCheese

He was a DM at Everton, wasn’t he?

Prof Wenger to Emerytus

Toure is very old and material for MLS now. However he was even better quality that Santi.


Comparing Santí to Yaya? Yaya was/is a box-to-box midfielder that can no longer run box-to-box. Based on that fact alone…Santí hands down. Santí could have one foot and still be better……Santí all the way.


Someone needs to tell them he isn’t yacine adli

Mayor McCheese

Yeah, I think the problem here is that Rabiot was spotted doing his medical at the Emirates, and now everyone’s “Adli!” “Fellaini!”


Maybe he’s the Aldi Adli?

Bob dobbery

Oh fuck off

Evang. Simon

Are we really in a new era?

Ted E.

Welcome to the new Arsenal. Same as the old Arsenal.

Sànde Class

Oaahahahahahaha! From that insufferable loon Gallas to that suffering suckatash Silvestre to this Belgian Stonehenge+Neanderthal+Sudowodoo/Elk abomination! 😀 😀

Players, owners, managers and even stadiums may come and go but MY eternally lovely Gunners FC will never EVER cease to be entertaining! Thank you oh football deities. Now please shower us with very many trophies too!?

Ann Noyd

The Belgian Stonehenge.
Paha thanks for that


He’s a microphone headed lanky streak of elbow piss!


Slow and turns like an oil tanker. No thanks.


It’s all in the elbows. That’s where he really excels.


Quick whip round lads, who’s ready to pay for a few ‘Unai Emery Out’ banners? I’ll chip in a tenner.


We just have to repair the old ones…??
Just kidding.
In fact I think this rumour is also some kind of trolling.

Thierry Bergkamp

Fake news..please..let it be


So, is this why we got Mislintat, to unearth these gems?


Oh Jesus Christ no.


Mark my words – we will not get anywhere close to the title much less the top 4. Nobody with half a brain can justify this nonsense. Fellaini, Sokratis and Lichtsteiner but yet some “positive fans” think the club is going in the right direction and they are the “true fans” because sensible people question the poor moves the club have been making. If I was AMN, how would I feel if Fellaini is starting over me in midfield?? Instead of planning on how to replace the likes of Ozil (30), Aubamayeng(29), Nacho (33), Kos (33) in the future, we… Read more »


Are you by any chance a professional athlete, sportsman, or analyst ? Have you coached a team sport ? Do you run a stats agency ? Are you a clairvoyant or how can you possibly deduce that the club is up to no good, based on a transfer rumor ? I am puzzled because here is a new set up and you are already pessimistic about an outcome which purely, is still hearsay. I thought the Arteta-saga would have reduced the propensity to jump to conclusions.


Well said. Everyone assumes these guys we are bringing in will start but I suspect they will be back up. Sokratis and Lichsteiner haven’t set my world on fire, but if they had then Fellaini has definitely poured cold water on the fire. Having said that I am an Arsenal fan and will support the club regardless. I’m sure there must be some method to this apparent madness.


Jesus. Overreact much? It’s just a rumour. Go smoke some cones or something.

Wreh's FA Cup dream

‘Positive fans’, ‘true fans’, ‘sensible people’

Can we quit it with the divisive fan bullshit, please. You can have different opinions without lumping sections of fans together in an attempt to abuse and discredit them. It’s totally uncalled for and unnecessary.

Laca auba

Even West Ham targets are better than that. Pastore and felipe anderson i’d take them!


“targets” – doesn’t mean they will get them.

Faisal Narrage

I guess it’s all about winning the “Rumoured Target” Trophy now.


Please, please NOOOOOOOO!!!


If this is truly the case, it’s time for some #EveryoneOut banners, so I’m going to assume this is just agent gibberish to increase his value.


Yes fuck everybody, everything is fucked


Finally. Some measured, intelligent insight.


Try as I might I can’t think of anything that isn’t annoying about him. For the love of all things decent, fuck no!


God, we really are cheaping out.

We are Everton.

Me So Hornsey

Everton don’t even want him.


the report suggests he’d be on around 80k a year, which seems decent value, but still…

welcome to the brave new arsenal!


He is useful for elbowing people in the face and long balls into the box I suppose


The magic of Fellaini is in the elbows. This is the subtlety to his game that many people miss. It’s not just about positioning, tackling, passing, defending and scoring you know.


u happy now andrew?! u was cryrin for more bastards. there u go with lichtsteiner and this fellow furball.


We have to remember it is hearsay.

Much of it is likely the club are in talks with these players but they could also be back up plans.

We are likely talking to many players but these are the ones that want a bit more publicity to work the room.

Mostly the press is rarely accurate with our final signing at least during Wenger era.

Still…a frightful tought.

What next? David Luiz?


I actually prefer Fellaini….never thought I would hear myself say that.


Nooooooo sweet everything that is sacred no!

arsene wenger

even ricky gervais would find this joke cruel !!!


In fairness I can see a use for him same as Mourinho does, but I don’t want us to go there …


For Arsenal signings (As far as press is concern), look for any player ex-Dortmund, over 30yrs, free transfer and/or has fuzzy hair.

Arsenala Vista Baby

Unai Emery was identified by IRS as the best candidate to replace Arsene Wenger and he signs Fellaini on a free transfer few months later.

Nope, this news is bullshit


Mslintat is in charge of buying.

BUT I don’t see Fellaini on Dortmund’s roster in recent years…


We can get better.

Are we being linked to every has been over 30yr old on the planet? IS this Mslintat’s idea of buying for world domination?

Rather try Bayern’s hand at say Javi Martinez if that’s the case. He can play midfield and cover Cback too.

BUT for me, someone like Ndombele at Lyon fits the bill, raw power and plenty of dribbling skills, 6 foot even and at 21yrs a real beast of a player in the making. Great positional sense for a young player with Lyon and won’t be too expensive from Amiens.


He was great for Dortmund


…or Arturo Vidal.

We should be watching Bayern because they have some excess in midfield and they may load up with Goretzka. The likes of Javi Martinez or Vidal are all over 29yrs. Martinez has versatilty to cover Cback too. Vidal is nominally more forward but can be dropped deeper to screen and we know very few will get pass the likes of him.

I certainly hope Emery will get control of Mslintat and makes sure the German doesn’t spend his wad too early.


It’s all very Billy Beane

89 was fine

I see the plan , we’re gonna convert him into a centre half.


I could have stomached this in 2011, but not now.

Daft Aider

I would rather we signed the safestyle uk guy
“I say you buy one, you get one free”
and I literally hate him………


First they rejected Arteta’s Lego haired magnificence and then they want Fellaini’s mop head. All very hairy indeed!!


As a free signing, I think it’s ok. Losing Cazorla (and JW it seems) then getting someone who has prem experience on a free, and had played at good clubs, is sensible. I’m hoping we also sign a class midfielder but at least there would be some depth if we did get Fellani.

Faisal Narrage

I’d rather give the game time to AMN, Iwobi as a CM, and/or Bielik.


Question marks over Iwobi being in the team and you say Iwobi should be given a chance as a CM? Bruh, you high!


Just a diversion. We’re actually getting Verratti


jesus, at this rate we will have a team of geriatrics


Maybe there is some PL clause that says you get a bonus for signing players over a certain age…


oh Dear Lord, please no!


I’m starting to get worried. Fellaini is the anti-football, surely this can’t be true. I used to believe Arsenal had class, but then we tried to sign that rat faced cunt Vardy, and if this is true it’s on the same level of disgustingness. No, please, just NO.


I suppose the one thing he does have going is that he’s a massive bastard who will use bastardry to bastard a goal when some guileless shitehawk has negated our classy play with 80 minutes of tedious, unmitigated bus – parking.



Will byrne

Good God no?? thoughts of a new era at Arsenal, under anyone, could begin with the signing of Fellaini is beyond belief.
Say it ain’t so!

Gunnersaurus' left boot

Don’t understand the hate. One of our main flaws over the last 15 years has been our complete lack of experience and physical presence. As far as I can see we seem to be addressing these with cheap solutions from big, well respected clubs from around Europe. We still have very good flair players in Özil, Aubamyang, Laca, Mhiki, Ramsey, Bellerin etc and having an alternative way of playing/ an extra dimension can only be a good thing. Though I would like some serious money being spent on a GK and another centre mid. Hopefully our “bargain hunting” can allow… Read more »


finally someone with some sense.

Men With Ven

The hate is because he’s an absolute knob and not very good at football.

Faisal Narrage

Agreed. I don’t have issue with the profile, but Fellaini isn’t good on the ball.
I’d rather try a hand at Javi Martinez or heck a long punt for William Carvalho at this rate.

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